I decided to go to every through all my memories one at a time, and erase the history we created.
Our first date was a cute little spot on the corner, on the west side. Smells of the Far East, colorful, music subtlety playing to set the mood. Picturesque window frame across from the park attracting the intellectual types. Conversations about politics and Tesla - Nikolai not the car - carried across the room.
We enjoyed spicy dishes, funny conversation, the waitress flirted with him. He was cool and I was a little miffed. I didin't admit it, of course. I never admitted to feeling jealous - it was one of those things I learned. If he knows you get jealous he might see you as clingy or naggy or needy. What got me was how she didn’t seem to notice I was at the table. I told him it’s a good thing we aren’t dating that would be rude. He thought I was being cool. I was thinking don’t show your dark side. We ate, laughed and flirted.
Now years later, standing on the corner looking at the white concrete, the "for rent sign", I realized the memories had already started to erase themselves without my permission. I turned to see the view thinking maybe some part of the feelings from that night would return. But, I came at the wrong time of year. Instead of the green of spring, it was the lifelessness of winter without snow to cover the ugly grey. Though the trip was to forget, I was holding on.
I turned again, began to walk. I let go.
