Mama I Still Call Your Name

Magandang buhay 💛

A solemn Tuesday morning in DD. I woke up from a vivid dream where I was with Mom, walking a long, winding paved path. We were laughing over a wee story she shared. It was a beautiful moment; it felt so real, but bittersweet too, leaving me with a quiet ache I can't put into words.

They say our minds give us dreams like this as a gentle way to connect with the people we miss the most. Perhaps it's true. And maybe, it's for the same reason that a certain tune has been playing in my head for a while now.

I only came across this once some time ago while scrolling through my lil boy's FB feed, and somehow the melody and some of its lyrics have stuck with me since. It's a beautiful country ballad that has found the right frequency in my heart.

The song was released in May by a virtual (Generative AI) musical artist called Noah Nine, synthesized to have a rugged, bearded persona. Its deep vocals and acoustic instrumentation made the track even more melancholic.

This part of the lyrics gets me:

The house feels colder since you went away
Your chair sits empty at the end of the day

I am only realizing it now, but whenever we visit Dad, I often say, "Oh gosh, why is it so cold in here?" referring to their house, especially in the living room. Sometimes I turn on the heater, then start dusting off the couch she loved to sit on. My eyes would land on the small corner table where her medicines used to be, and slowly move to the windows she often peeked through. Every visit felt like seeing her there. It was her favorite place after all.

Losing her certainly left a space (literally and metaphorically) in our lives, but her memories still abound.