I may be broken to pieces, but I haven’t forgotten that those shards are my parts worthy of being mended. Though I have been shattered, I picked myself up and modified my fragments into the upgraded version of me.
My name is…
Who would’ve thought a school assignment would break my heart?
I was in fifth grade when our teacher told us to ask our parents about our name’s origin. I was walking on cloud nine on my way home then because I was excited to know where my name came from. But the moment my father gave me the answer, my little world crushed like a slice of bread turning into crumbs.
“I got your name from nowhere,” my father said.
Thousands of tiny knives slashed at my heart, tearing it to pieces. Those six words made me question my father's love for me and even made me think I was adopted. My siblings’ names had specific origins, but my name? Never mind.
I didn’t submit the assignment the next day, afraid my classmates would laugh at me. When I got home on that same day, I saw my father smiling at me, saying, “I named you after my favorite actress, Julie Ann Fortich. I was just kidding yesterday.”
I cried when I heard that, realizing my father was a terrible joker.
The Truths I Found Out
Sugar, spice and everything nice created three perfect little girls—The Powerpuff Girls. But my parents’ love for each other, and their sacrifices and struggles, created an imperfect girl—me. And from what I know, I comprise my parents' genotype; it is only recently that I've discovered my entire identity is a lie.
Yes, I'm still my parents' masterpiece, but I've mutated into something else through the years. Who am I? No one knows, even me… until today.
Growing up, although I did not literally "GROW UP" (I'm only five feet tall. I'm not even sure), I've figured out that I'm partly an introvert; a bookworm; an Otaku; a pet and nature lover; a trying hard painter and artist; a night owl because of K-drama (who isn't?); and last but not the least, a frustrated writer.
Can you imagine how my life is being a piece of everything? Trust me, it's mind-blowing. I sometimes end up sleeping the day because when I have free time, my brain would get exhausted by just thinking about how I should spend my twenty-four hours.
An Introvert
Being alone gives me solitude like that of being by the seaside, playing with the sand while subtle ocean waves crush the shore. Being an introvert made me self-reliant and not too dependent on others.
I have multiple persons living in my body. I can be the source of my happiness and stress because of the unlimited supply of fluctuating mood swings and energy I have. But I must admit, that energy easily gets drained when I’m in a crowded area, that’s why I don’t go out often.
I enjoy staying in my comfort zone—my utopia—listening to my favorite music genres. I talk little, but I could be the most talkative folk when I'm with the right people. I can empty the ink of several pens in one sitting if my mood allows me to vent out all the emotions I've been hoarding in my squeamish heart.
Watching K-dramas and animes has been my escape from the actual toxic world filled with disingenuous, abusive people who take advantage of my push-over attitude—I can't say "no" to someone in need. I always want to be of help to others, yet those I've helped would still have the guts to stab my back. Being inspired by the characters I watch, I, now, have learned how to be vigilant in knowing who to help and not.
Trying hard painter and artist
I wasn’t born affluent, so I was used to drawing with broken crayons growing up. But despite that gloomy childhood memory, I never stopped my passion for drawing. I kept on believing that one day, I could get myself a box of a complete crayon set. And I have kept that promise; I’m even able to buy myself some canvas and acrylic paint with a sketch pad and colored pens.
My once dull and dingy life as a child is now filled with the colors of the rainbow, for it has been painted with the colors of friendship with shades of bitter-sweet experiences, giving it the right blend of hues for my perfect worth-enjoying existence.
Pet and Nature Photographer
I’m always fascinated by the wonders of nature. That’s why whenever I see unusual things, I take a photo of them because it’s not every day that I get the chance to see such beauty.
Bookworm
I learned to read at five, thanks to my mother. But I fell in love with books when I was eight when I finished reading the Mythology book written by Edith Hamilton. Reading the pages of that book made me travel to Troy and witness the death of Achilles. I was also there when the Sphinx committed suicide because Oedipus answered her riddle. I had felt Cupid’s heartbreak when Psyche listened to her sisters about betraying him, and when Orpheus traveled to the land of the dead to ask Hades to return his wife Eurydice.
Reading has helped me improve my social skills by meeting various characters in a story, not by mingling with actual people (it's still my waterloo). It gives me the chance to travel anywhere without leaving my room and without spending a single coin since I can’t afford to buy a plane ticket to fly to any expensive tourist destination.
I just wish I could travel more on the pages of the books sitting on my shelves.
Frustrated Writer (No More)
I was a graduate of Education and a passer of the Licensure Examination for Teachers, but the lion’s part of my heart always belongs to writing. My mother wanted me to be a teacher, so I took the course to make her happy; unfortunately, she passed away when I was only in first-year college.
My father was also encouraging me to pursue my career as an educator, yet I was still very open to him about my love for writing. But just as I was embracing his request of me becoming a full-fledged teacher, he passed away, giving me yet another wound that would forever stay with me.
My parents were always the ones who stood beside me when receiving my recognitions since kindergarten, and I was devastated when my college graduation came, but neither of them was even there to see me graduate with flying colors.
I was so broken about their sudden passing that I pour my heart out on pieces of paper that had turned flavescent because of time. When they died, I promised them that no matter what happens, I’ll never give up on my dream of becoming a writer, even if it takes time.
I have fulfilled their dream for me, and I’m also determined to follow where my heart leads. However, my parents’ death left me in the shadows for a while, and I lost all hopes of recovering. But then one day, upon receiving an email I wasn’t expecting, I slowly regained vitality.
The short story I submitted to a publisher found its place in an anthology, making it an official entry for the book. That saved me from being drowned in the sea of sorrow because of losing the two most important people in my life.
Because of writing, I was able to escape the dungeons of unknown misery. Because of writing, I was able to free myself from the cocoon of hopelessness, turning me into a butterfly—giving me another chance to experience life having a different perspective.
Although my beloved parents may no longer see that I've achieved my dream, I know they're proud of what I have become. I will always be grateful that they are my parents, and I will always dedicate all my achievements to them. After all, I am their creation—their imperfect girl.
