"When negativity pulls you down..."
I went for a walk to feel the sunshine, had been in hiding for a while, afraid of mingling with people. I just want to linger in the worlds I created on the pages of my mind and on the sheets of paper I scribbled the words on.
The tender kiss of the sun warmed my skin, but not my heart because the crevices in it left empty spaces, allowing the icy embrace of sadness to overcome my entire being.
As I scanned the surrounding our humble abode, the charming wind whistled in my ears, urging me to step towards the shade of the mango tree. My feet obeyed without a second thought, and I found myself lulled by the solitude under the canopy of the fruitless tree.
Suddenly, the earth shook violently while splitting the ground apart, revealing roots that seemed to have their own life as they crawled towards me. I got up as fast as I could, but it was too late. The roots dragged and pulled me down from the surface, and the GRAVITY was too powerful that I was almost on the verge of releasing my grip from the real world.
What GRAVITY means to me?
Grudge, Rage, Anger
These emotions had been holding me strong as the images of my childhood began playing in my head. Seeing how despondent our situation was back then had wakened up the sleeping dark child inside of me. I became aloof and resentful to people and the situation. At that age, I learned to blame fate for all my life's misery.
Vain
Sometimes, I'm full of myself — just to myself. I brag to life that I can always come up with ways to get back on track and be bold to play its unfair games. Believing that, in my own way, I could be triumphant.
Insecurity
All of us could be insecure, whether or not we like it. I don't get insecure by other people's achievements, especially their luxury, but I envy those people who have a complete family.
Treachery
The real world is filled with fake people. Some of them are brave enough to show their actual colors, but others are double-faced: they smile in front of you but spread gossips behind you. Most of them even act as a friend, but they would betray you in the end.
I've always been a victim of these kinds of disingenuous leeches. They pretend to care because they need you, but once you have served your purpose, they will cast you to the bin.
Yearning
As the images of the present 'me' flashback in my head, another enigmatic emotion crept into my heart like a hand that squeezes the remaining sanity I have. It's even more poignant than my past... it's yearning.
Yearning for people and things I have lost along the path of life: my mentors, my friends, my parents, my care about the world, my passion. And that hand constricting my heart has never left me, making me miserable and hopeless every single day. That hand keeps on strangling my squeamish heart for what's left of me... myself.
The 3 words that revived me
As I struggle to get loose from the grip of the roots, three balloons hover above, handing their strings to me. Each balloon has names:
Faith
It reminds me not to give in to life's challenges; that despite the losses, I still have HIM.
Love
It smiles at me and says that even though there are people who have taken me for granted, I have my siblings and genuine friends who'll never stop loving me for what and who I am.
Hope
It grabs my hands and pulled me out of the darkness, reminding me that at the end of any dark tunnel lies a silver lining of greater opportunities.