I have recently been forced by my physical state of being, to examine my life. It would seem that a lifetime of being intimately acquainted with calamity has damaged my nervous system. There was my own calamity, the calamity of my Mother, and for years now, the calamity of others.
When I think about why my nervous system might be on the fritz, I have to really examine the effect that stress has had on me. In those terms the cost has been pretty big. It is pretty clear that I have exceeded the manufacturer’s specification for the proper care and maintenance of a nervous system. No wonder it is shot. Life can be hard on us. In fact, life will get us all in the end. Perhaps this is why Plato said that we should be kind because we are all fighting a hard battle.
I had to consider whether or not to go back to the very work that wore me down. I had to ask myself if I could continue? There was a still, quiet, but undeniable voice inside that wouldn't let me forget something. Life is not easy, but we can adapt and overcome. We don't have to continue to suffer. I had adapted to having a mental illness and had learned to excel. I decided that I would have to take on this challenge head on too. I am grateful because it helped me to understand my core mission again. I am not sure how I could have lost it, but when we grow weary it can be hard to see such things in the world. For me it is simple, I just want people who are suffering to know that they are not alone and I just want them to know there is hope.
In the face of some new challenges in my life I think I can say that I am not alone. In the face of so much calamity, I have hope. I think my life has been remarkable. It has been more of an adventure than I could have ever imagined. Along the way I have learned to accept, love, forgive, and in that way, it has been a remarkable calamity.
