I'm Fragile

No one talks to me and I don't care. I have enough happiness to last me a lifetime. I don't need your approval or commendation. I am who I am because I am who I am. If you don't understand that, it's your business, I don't care.

I don't make friends and I'm not sorry about that. It is you who should grow up if you expect everyone to be friendly. I am not harsh, I just know how to stay on my own. You should know by now, I don't need anyone else.

I walk into a gathering like a shadow. There's not a word from my mouth and I don't expect any from you. I don't have expectations so I am never disappointed. Don't you get it? I don't care you say or don't say to me.

Pretty soon, the show will end and I'll sip out like water from a leaky bucket. You might probably notice I don't say goodbye but the observation will evaporate before you think too much of it. After all, I never showed any need of your concern.

I'm going to say this just once so listen attentively. I'm fragile, you see. I'm scared of being rejected. I feel I can never measure up. I worry that you won't return my greeting. I feel I can never blend in.

I look at the laugh and laughter and laughing and... It's killing me. To see so much happiness and joy floating around and I can't be a part of it. It's like a glass ceiling, I can see everything going on but I can't touch, I can't feel.

I feel I'm different. I know everyone is different but I feel like the wrong kind of different. They say nerds are cool but I'm the wrong kind of need. I'm a weird nerd.

At the end of these words, you're going to ask if it's all true. If behind this way of indifference is a heart that longs for your attention. Well, what difference does it make it I say it's true?

I have learnt to despise the warmth of friendship, the softness of a kindred heart and soothing comfort of kind words. I no longer long for what I cannot have no matter how much my heart aches for it.

This is the end and I can predict your reactions. The emojis, the pity, the trite words, I don't want any of those. I want to share in your warmth and friendship but I can't. So I'll pretend like its alright when I'm all alone within