Despite whatever it may appear like from various posts and comments, I am not chemically imbalanced, nor mentally unstable. I know this for a fact, God told me so.
He also told me to go out and start a new religion in his name. Remember: We promote peace and brotherhood, so we have to go out and kill, as well as torture, anyone and everyone who doesn't believe.
Also - sinning is a terrible thing and everyone does it, but you can always get out of your eternal punishment by paying God off via the medium of his priests. Now isn't that nice?
And while we're at it, this religion is monotheistic, so there's only one God, but that one God is actually 7 and a half beings, two of whom semi-exist, and one of whom is me, his new prophet. But remember, there's only one of them. Yeah, even He doesn't get it most days.
And while we're at it we may as well get a few new followers by saying that this God is the same God as one of the old actual monotheistic religions who promised that he would never abandon his people, he just changed his mind. And decided that he has schizophrenia, and that I, his esteemed prophet, am actually a personification of him.
And I know this is hard to believe, so I figured I'd offer some cold, hard, undeniable proof. I'll do some miracles.
No, of course not in front of people. What do you think I am, some sort of miracle worker? Wait a second...
You know what? I'll get witnesses. Now who can I get who would lie for me? Well, let's see... there's Paul, and then there's Judas - No wait, there's something shifty about him, I feel like that might come to a bad end. Eh, what could go wrong? Let's see, we'll grab Boomy, and maybe get an even dozen to make it more believable...
So scratch that. I'm not actually a semi-demi-hemi-quasi-whatever God, I'm just a regular old camel-driving merchant. And you know what happened to me the other day? I was alone in the desert, and God came over to me and said Psst.
Hey Mo - I've got a favor to ask. I changed my mind again about My Laws, and I need someone to pass it on.
And no, there were no LSDs involved. Or alchohol of any sort. Hey, does anyone have an aspirin? And maybe a strong coffee?
So we're gonna be a peace-loving, forward thinking religion, always working towards science, equality, and enlightenment. Oh yeah, and woman have no rights, and we'll kill anyone who disagrees. Anyone in?
So I'm a humble shepherd, y'know, raised by the mightiest ruler in the world as his own son, suffering humblest of all men, the whole shebang. And God came to me in a burning bush (I wasn't smoking anything. I swear!) and told me to bring my people out of slavery, through the dessert for whatever, maybe 40 or so years? and go up a mountain to get their new laws.
Oh yeah, and sacrificing your children to the merciful God is looked up upon. And we're a peace loving nation, so when we get to our chosen land, we'll offer the people a choice: they can either get out or be slaughtered. Amazing what God's mercy can do, isn't it?
So here's what's actually going on - basically, someone spilled a paint can, or rather a bunch of them, and the universe came into being. Oh yeah, and the paint cans didn't exist. Neither did the guy who spilled them.
So there was a spark - but nobody planned it or set it into motion - something did, but nothing did. You know what I'm saying, right? This is science. It's logical, it's factual, nothing's true until we prove it or just want to believe in it. You know, all theories were created equal, some are just more equal.
So yeah. You know, if you left a bunch of monkeys typing on typewriters forever, eventually one of them would type out the complete works of Shakespeare. Without making a mistake, typing anything else, or actually existing. Because of course, there are no monkeys. That would take away from the incredibleness that is random chance.
So let's just act curious. Someone or something must have existed, have created, to set everything in motion. While you could say that there are extras, looking at nature - at existence - makes the existence of extras more and more doubtful each time we look. Yes, we have questions, but they somehow seem to end up answered in ways we couldn't predict. So we don't know everything
So someone or something must have created it, for some sort of odd purpose. Are they in control now? Well, let's think. They/It/Whatever seem to have know exactly what was going to happen (based off all of the wonders and "coincidences" of nature) even if they did it through a random bit of energy. So: they either did one thing, knowing exactly what would happen trillions of years later in every spot in existence, or they're directly orchestrating every event.
I don't really see a difference. So what next? ... Do they care? It seems that bad things happen to individuals, happen to crowds, happen to us all. So how would they care? Why would they care?
But then again, someone who created everything in such a way that it should work out, that we should have the ability to accomplish, would they really have done that uncaringly, unfeelingly? At this pint we're well into the realm of speculation, of feelings without proof, but it seems slightly irrational to me.
So why would They do bad things? Well, supposing that They do exist, they would be... everything and nothing and something, more confusingly than any religion could claim. They must be Omnipotent, probably Omniscient as well, so we should say that what they do is beyond us. Perhaps we're all some sort of bizarre experiment.
But that feels wrong, possibly because of simple human egocentricity. We want to believe we matter. So, perhaps we do. Let's claim that we do, because otherwise we'll get absolutely nowhere.
So what are we here for? I think everyone agrees that the answer is to make the best of ourselves. What is the best of ourselves? ... That's complicated.
The easiest answer is morality, but what is morality? We want to build a legacy, but what does that mean? Does it mean to follow the Ancient Egyptians' path, to build a monument to stand for ages, supposedly representing the greatness of the people, but really just showing off the ruler's - the tyrant's - arrogance and self-satisfaction? Should we try to simply self-satisfy? Should we look toward the greatness of the community, and ignore the individual?
I don't know. I would think we should try to use the community, use the many to improve the lot and abilities of individuals.
This is all speculation, and way too controversial. Some of it is things I've heard and simply tried to logic out, some of it contains other stuff.
If you're upset or amused by this - good. If you're not - what's wrong with you? Do what you'd like at this point. Leave a comment agreeing with me if you want to be boring. Speculate past where I left off if you want to be a little more interesting. Disagree with me if you'd like, Curse me out if you want to - I'll be amused, entertained, and simply enjoy it. If you want to feel angry - do so, you're hurting yourself, not me. If you want to flag and waste your VP - enjoy.
All of this started from an idea, a joke, which I took too far, realized, took it a little a lot farther, and then turned serious. So let's get rid of that.
I've long debated whether or not peanut butter has a destructive influence on the soul. I believe so - I've tested it EMPIRICALLY.
Note that adding that on the end of sentences makes them a bit more interesting. Santa Claus child molestors do exist. Trust me. I've tested it - empirically.
Human flesh does have a negative effect on one's health. I've tested this - empirically.
Now don't you feel uncomfortable?
-hyperbole out.
p.s.- I may or may not believe in one of the religions hinted to above. I'm going places. Better pack some light clothes. pictures from pixabay.
