Apparently, it was only a matter of time before mankind ascended into divinity.
It turns out, however, that process was more complicated than difficult. It didn’t help that the first humans to ascend were real assholes about it. The gods that walked among us were fairly normal people at first. They continued to be fairly normal people they would say. Constantly.
These human gods had simply discovered the ultimate mastery of physics, neuroscience and the brain-reality interaction. It was bound to happen, they said. It started when experts in neuroscience and particle physics got together and asked the right questions:
1) on what level does the brain begin to understand reality?
2) is reality impacted by the brains understanding?
This might sound like a philosphical headfake, but such questions had been banging around in science for decades.
Schrödinger's cat and the double-slit experiment experiment are examples of reality changing when you attempt to measure reality itself.
Does the watched pot really not boil?
The neuro-physicist team was a sext-some of PhDs, computer programmers and actual medical doctors as you would expect. 6 of them! They had a fairly small budget, so they sought a very small result.
At the level of the neuron and molecule, yes, the brain could trigger changes in a certain space or object with a thought. The researchers sat on this for some time after compiling and writing and re-editing. Senior academics couldn't refute or approve of the findings, so the researchers started testing themselves out of boredom. The test itself was a low-risk brain scan and a couple of micrometers attached to a little chamber. Isolated from radio waves and noise and psychic interference the tests were conducted. The researchers concentrated, and were able to make small changes to the appearance and orientation of tiny objects in the chamber. Some of them got good moving tiny things. Some could change the colors.
The senior academicians relented and opted to bring in a half dozen outside eyes to get a sneak peek at what was to be a global story. They brought in a psychologist, a martial artist, a journalist and a transcendental meditation/spiritual healer type. And they found the most over-hyped and obnoxious TV celebrity goon for that added kick.
For a week, they sat in the lab under a vow of secrecy in the bowels of a college (MIT, of course) and brought their own applications to the seemingly petty parlor tricks. After some collaboration, things went haywire quickly. The scientists were narrow in their focus and to their credit- they were able to define the correct steps to get the brain in tune with the little chamber and teach it to the newcomers. Basically, ‘how to do it’.But, without the constraints of the strictly scientific question, the question quickly became ‘Since I can do it, what else can I do with it?’ Without a blow-by-blow, this is what happened; several expensive objects in the lab were destroyed and later reassembled perfectly via means one could only describe as supernatural. One god-person described the atmosphere as a rock concert after-party without drugs or STDs. Much of it was due to whats-him-name being himself. The others quickly got the drift and exploring newfound abilities.
Word got out of the lab quickly because the supervisory board was watching via cameras. The supervisors called in to stop the interactions for a moment so these new developments could be discussed, but everyone was having too much fun. The phones disappeared. Every one disappeared. The lab disappeared. When the supervisors tried the number again, the operator-voice said “this number does not exist”. The cameras blinked out. Of course, the panicked administrators came downstairs to the lab and banged on the doors. They keys did not work. Security came in and forced the door open. The door opened to a courtyard, which was odd because the courtyard in question was ten steps in the opposite direction and through two walls. After a few stunned moments, the experimenters decided to come back to reality and the interior of the lab came back into existence. The experimenters simply walked out past the flabbergasted supervisors who blurted “Wait, we have to debrief you! Please stop.” The experimenters, the non-MIT guys that had been brought in, filed past with an unconcerned look. The supervisors followed them, pleading to at least explain what just happened.
The ascended ones grew tired of walking, started gliding. They grew tired of gliding upright and reclined while floating down the hall until they realized they didn’t need to stay at walking speed or even pay heed to physical walls. They drifted away to wherever they were going in time and space.
The core research group remained in their physical states in the physical lab long enough to look at their supervisors with the same mild annoyance you would regard a barking puppy on the end of its leash. At last, an administrator gasped and asked the right question “are… you going to tell the world?”
“Everyone already knows.”
And it was true. The only thing on the TV news was people asking questions like “how did everyone know right away? I mean, right away. No one even told me. I just knew and came into the studio here. Bob, is that how you knew?”
Bob said, “Yes, I just knew-knew. Everyone one knew and I knew they knew. How is this possible?”
Mankind was in its ascendancy. And it wasn't a major secret or destiny for the select few. Any human could ascend. Many did right away. Especially the poor ones. Babies needed coaching, but that’s what gods are for!
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When the question of 'how?' was asked, it seemed one of the gods would immediately show up and start explaining.
And they weren’t patient gods or loving. They were pretty damn sick of peoples’ excuses immediately.
After appearing, the god would quietly begin talking “there is a simple exercise of the mind where you focus on-“ they were usually cut off at this point by a hysterical person scared out of their wits. A living, breathing human had just materialized silently at a whim. Their whim.
Tragically, first question was most statistically likely to be “how did you get in my bathroom?”
The second most likely question was the deceptive “who are you?” and the response “’My name is Alexander Tennenbaum” or some such was ignored due to the sudden realization that a bidden god had just arrived.
Some gods were lucky and only fielded questions like: How does it work? What does it cost? Did the Devil send you? Did god send you? Where do we go after we ascend? Is it heaven? The mildly irritated god would usually answer the last questions.
It turns out you can go where ever you want when you ascend. There are no boundaries except in your mind, the god would usually say. “And I don’t know what heaven is supposed to look like, but we inhabit this universe already and it’s pretty damn cool.”
Every god probably has a billion examples of the ridiculous excuses offered for not listening, not accepting what they saw and chasing away what every human must want- divinity.
I’ll miss my family.
If my dog can’t ascend, she’ll miss me.
I don’t want to fly, I am afraid of heights.
I am a Christian.
I am an atheist.
I am a non-ecumenical deist agnostic.
I’m a non-statist Libertarian.
I’m a black Republican.
This all happened over the course of a weekday afternoon. It might have happened faster, but a couple billion folks of the world were kinda wrapped up in the day-to-day stuff.
Some were in the middle of the important parts of the conception-birth/abortion-death process.
Some were fine tuning that work-life balance to optimize happiness and prosperity.
Some were fast asleep or high as kites from one addiction or two.
Some were optimizing the blend of quality leisure time versus healthy self-improvement challenges like foot races vs. videogames.
Still others were immersed in fights with lovers or strangers on opposite teams because they felt they thrived during conflict.
In all about 4 billion people put off divine enlightenment for a couple hours because they were dealing with ordinary bullshit. And ordinary bullshit comes first for humans and what comes second is receiving perpetual powers to never have to deal with ordinary bullshit ever again.
Some regular mortals were just stubborn assholes. “You can’t do this. Have powers like this, I mean. What if you decide to blow up the Eiffel Tower. Boom. No more Eiffel Tower. Then what?”
Calmly at first, but sarcastically a moment later, the god would answer “If you like the Eiffel Tower, you can make it reappear. Or not. Or create an Eiffel Tower in your backyard if that makes you happy.”
“Oh, no! The homeowners association and neighborhood board would sue the crap out of me.”
Sighing audibly, the god would say something like, “oh, Jesus fucking Christ, then become a lawyer,” then blink out of existence along with the last beer in the fridge.
