Regrets, regrets, perhaps this is probably the most heartfelt article I'll ever make. Because I feel like after I've written, this is when I'll finally let go of the regrets from my past.
This is going to be quite long.
There's this Filipino saying, "Nasa Huli ang pagsisisi," which translates to English as Regrets can only be realized at the end, or something like that. In this article, I'll share with you some regrets I've had throughout the years.
One thing I regret is not being active and more daring.
Ever since I was a child, I was not very active or playful with my peers. I was the one to sit at the corner and enjoy time by myself, which has translated up until now.
I don't enjoy going to birthday parties, outings, or overnights; I choose to stay in my room and sleep in my bed. Only now did I feel that I may be wrong.
Listening to the stories of my young cousin of her going to parties and not caring about anything sounds so reckless but fun and enjoyable at the same time.
I was neither daring since I was a child. I would always see children of my age constantly climbing trees and running around. I was terrified of breaking my bones or getting kidnapped by strangers that I would always stick close to my mother when we went out.
I know this sounds so petty, but I would like to at least climb one tree before I die.
The second thing I regret is being too humble and not believing in myself.
Because I never believe in myself, I always stay humble, knowing that somebody was always more intelligent than me.
In 3rd grade, I was a transferee as we moved from Butuan City to Agusan del Sur. Before getting admitted to the school, I was tasked to take a diagnostic test, and there I scored very highly that teachers thought my aunt gave me the answers to the exam (because she was a teacher at the school), but I did not have access to those. After that, I was always the contestant for contests in English, Science, and Math.
I remember when I was a contestant for the Math Challenge in our school. I always told my teacher to choose another student because I believed I was not good enough to join the team, but I was still selected. There, I scored the highest from our school and even got to the regional level.
Another was when my sister and I were called for a contest. Our school was not informed that there was an individual quiz bowl held in our municipality. In contrast, others were already informed months ago.
So, our teachers needed participants, and I was again called. I always begged them to choose another participant, but they still forced me to join because my sister was there.
When we got to the venue, everybody read books and reviewed papers while my coach had nothing. He told me he did not expect much of me as he was not informed, so I went with nothing but my stock knowledge.
I just did my best, and I only got one question wrong; everybody was surprised, even my principal could not believe it. It was the first-ever championship the school had ever had in science quizzes.
Still, I did not believe in my capabilities.
Even in high school, I brought this trait of mine, which one of my professors was not very fond of. He told me a quote that I will never ever forget, "ang sobra nga pagkahumble kay dili na maayo," which means that being too humble is not good because it bars you from your potential, he elaborated.
The last thing I've always regretted is not being too expressive of my feelings.
Because I was always a quiet kid, I kept my thoughts to myself and myself only. I figured that no one could fix my problems for me.
From the petty to the serious thoughts, I kept it all to myself. Whenever my friends had a crush, they would tell their friends and stories about how they once held hands or their kilig moments when they were in the same group, not me. I never informed anyone about anything; I kept it all to myself.
There were multiple instances where I've lost all the motivation in the world. When I could not go on and just wanted to end it all, how I wish I could have told someone what I was feeling, but I just could not bring myself to do it.
Even when choosing my course for college, I still could not express my opinions about it.
My parents always thought that I was excellent at math (which is not true), so they wanted me to pursue a course in Civil Engineering. How I wish I could've told them that I wanted to pursue different courses, courses that I would enjoy studying, such as Aeronautical Engineering or Law.
Because I don't tend to express my emotions, my parents would sometimes do unfair things.
Back then, my sister always wanted to pursue a course in Medical Technology. She had my parents' full support even though it was in a private school and cost a lot.
My parents also asked what I've wanted to pursue. I wanted to enroll in chemical engineering back then, but my father said that it was too "make or break" because if I did not pass, I would have no safety net.
After many months, they again asked me what I wanted, and I said "aeronautical engineering," but they said it was too expensive as most schools were privately owned. So I just stopped telling them what I wanted to pursue.
They think I don't notice these unfair tendencies, but I do; I always do. But I just don't care anymore. I'm already a grown-up; I don't have time for those things anymore.
My life is not over though, I still have a long road ahead of me, and I have all the time in the world to change what I want to change and pursue the things I've always wanted to pursue.
These things have haunted me for quite a long time now, and it's time to let it all go.
We all have regrets in our lives, but it's best to not linger in them anymore and leave them all in the past.
How about you? What are the things you've regretted?
Thank you for reading my post! And I wish you all a great week ahead!
