I have this friend who swears Jesus loved to smoke pot, but he couldn’t do it very often because it always gave him a raging boner that would show through his robe. My friend is convinced Jesus spent his 3 days chilling in the cave finally being able to get high as fuck. I asked him what his proof was. He said “The Shroud of Turin man, you can total, clearly see it.” I said “Come on man you can’t see that, it’s not a high resurrection.”