This is totally a brilliant question! Finding the balance between respecting someone's privacy and being supportive can be challenging because most of us have different backgrounds and beliefs about what we hold up and it becomes challenging to know if we are even crossing our boundaries or we are just being too private with everything or everyone. Anyways without further ado, here are some of my thoughts about this topic;
First, we all must establish the fact that Communication is key. Having an open and honest communication can help you understand people’s boundaries and needs. The more we communicate with our families, our friends, our children and people in general, the more we get to understand the kind of people they are and that will help us know them better to relate with them so there won’t be intrusion at any point in time. Most times as you have some conversations with them, they try to pass the kind of person they are, the things they like and what they don’t like and at this point you can know them more.
I have quite a few friends that are never comfortable sharing anything personal with anyone and sometimes it’s a bit annoying to me because I don’t see anything wrong with sharing some of those things they are particular about but then that is where our different perspectives and backgrounds comes in. To me it is nothing but to someone they might even rather take their life than share such information (it’s an exaggeration, lol). So as we get to meet people like this, it’s just better that we avoid making them share these informations with us as that can be crossing the boundary, except they do so on their own.
Naturally, some people just love their space but most times it is due to the life they have lived right from when they were younger or even as an adult. Some children were brought up in a way that they own everything personally even though they have siblings and you will see these kind of children (some of them) growing up to find it really hard to share his or her things with anyone. Other times there are some children that were brought up in a way that they just have to solve problems themselves and you see them growing up to find it hard to share their problems with anyone.
Just trust your instincts, when you sense something is off, ask if they're okay but be careful not to push for details. Note: this is only to those people who appreciate their privacy, for those people who don’t care you can ask further if not, just show you care and that’s all. When they see that you are someone they can confide in, with time they will get more comfortable sharing their problems with you (because sometimes it’s also due to insecurity that people want their privacy) but until then respect their privacy but still show that you care by just asking how they are doing.
We all need our private time and it’s just best we respect boundaries. Don't push for personal information or try to fix people’s problems without their consent. Show you're available and supportive without being intrusive and also set boundaries too for yourself too and also share your own needs and limits to maintain a healthy mutual respect.
But the big question is, How private can I be? Normally, if it were possible I just want to be on my own but hey! That is never possible, even if it is, that is not what anyone will want in a long run. Trust me there is a reason why there is someone next door and no matter how long it may take, you will definitely realize it. Our privacy is a trick to getting us away from so many responsibilities. We just want to stick to the fact that we love our privacy because we know that when the privacy is not there the responsibility will be too much for us and of course we might feel more insecure.
In as much as I want my privacy, I know that is one thing that I shouldn’t have completely. So what I do is I try to talk it out with those that care to listen. I set boundaries and make sure the next person knows about it so I know when they are trying to intrude. But then, I try as much as possible not to completely push people away because most times I’m tempted to do that and I end up having regrets.
My little advice to everyone that gets to read this is that, we should have our privacy but we should never be blinded by it that we find it hard to know when it is necessary to let people in.
This is my response to the Hivelearners topic on ”HOW PRIVATE SHOULD I BE?”.
