i waited to see if you’d look back
but you never did
honestly, not once
which always shocked me
but in fact was always a telling sign
that to you i was nothing
nothing more than a sweet guy you could talk to
someone you could project your insecurities on
someone who accepted you for you
which you could never do for yourself
which is why you couldn’t believe me when i wasn’t trying to be toxic
you’d accuse me of all the irrational and erratic behavior of lovers past
and try to draw me into the lines of the boys you once knew
and in some ways i’d done the same with you
but what else are we supposed to do in this imperfect world?
i could lay here all morning wondering what you were thinking
as if you even knew it yourself
so instead i’ll put my head on the pillow
to imagine i was somebody else
for the thought of being a backup plan
when the destructive boys don’t pan out
is the one pill that’s too big to swallow this morning
and the one pill i really wish i could pass on