Womanhood has been on my mind today. So I thought I'd write about it. How we define strong women, women of note, women who can hold their own.
That's one insanely popular "strong woman" myth that's been circulating for some 40 years now. And while it might've made sense closer to the suffragette movement, it makes no sense now. To say women must behave as men to be strong implies men are strong. Men aren't made strong by aggressiveness or ruthlessness or cruelty. That just makes them cunts.
We're going backwards here, ladies.
Choosing to believe it's a woman.
Too long, in the business sector but not only, we've been telling women the only way to stand on their own is to behave like men. And not even good men, just an archetype of the primitive, sexist, ambitious-to-a-fault man. When by all means, we should be figuring out how to curb those that already exist, not make more of them.
A show I was watching just brought to mind another popular understanding of what it means for women to be strong - the playful, bossy seductress. Except the femme fatale game doesn't work outside films and books written by lone, horny men. You're either something with a chance of being fucked, or else if it's clear chances are zero, you are once more a cunt.
See point A.
This one seems to be increasingly popular in this day and age, despite the assumption that the more we advance into our brave new world, the more liberated women would become. Nah. This whole "boss bitch" or "yes queen" vibe that's so in vogue among the youth adores precisely that kind of leader.
Consider most young women today. Turning themselves into offensive, bizarre sex dolls under the guise of "empowerment". Injecting God knows what into their lips, tits and ass, putting on fake lashes and penciling eyebrows. Bleaching their hair until they look like the ultimate Marilyn fuck doll. Getting all pouty and "cute" and mistaking the fact that the man plays along for somehow having won. For having become a strong woman.
Remember how Marilyn ended up. Look where all that "wrapping the men round her finger" got her. It was and is an act.
Which is how I originally got to thinking about this. I'm not a fan of competition among women, especially not for the sake of male satisfaction. And there is, in bucketfuls. The logic behind every menage a trois fantasy is, essentially, multiple women vying for you. A huge appeal in flirting with women other than your spouse or partner is the jealousy, the sense of competition (natural and primordial, in its way) that would somehow make both women compete ever consciously or not for you.
I'm not a fan of women competing with other women. I'm not a fan of women who "steal your man" because if a man (or anyone, really) can be stolen, then they weren't "yours" in the first place. Normal language rules don't apply here. Someone might steal your TV, but if the TV goes along willingly with them, I'm not sure we still call it stealing.
The only place where such concepts work is in Beth Hart songs. She's allowed to sing about "stealing your man" and she's still badass. But the rest of us? Such phrases should be permanently deleted from our vocabularies.
You're not a strong woman if you mess around. You're just most likely really insecure. You're not strong if you play at being a man. They'll always be better at it. They're men. You're not a strong woman if you step on other women, belittle or degrade them. That also is a mark of insecurity.
A great deal of Mary's strength comes, I think, from her tears. From her "weakness". And no, far be it from me to do a "Christian post". But I sure appreciate a good story.
I'm still working on a definition for myself. I think we each make our own. I don't think a strong woman needs to compete with or degrade other women so she can feel big. I don't think showing up another lady is gonna make you great. I think strong women tell other women they're beautiful and fun and great and brilliant... and mean it.
I think strong women can fix the fucking toilet if it breaks, without thinking that's "a man's job", but I also think a strong woman knows to step into and embrace her femininity, her quiet, her grace and let the man lead. I don't think letting a man lead is weakness as long as you know to separate it from the traditional patriarchal sense. The man needs to lead, is suited to it, just as the woman is suited to steering, to guiding.
I think a strong woman is patient and doesn't rush things. That one, I'm struggling with the most. I have a tendency to be impulsive, I often let my emotional rush get the better of me. But I'm working on it. I'm learning to say okay, the world will wait for me to think, to digest, and if it doesn't, it's not my concern.
I think the strongest women are made so by embracing their femininity, their intuition, their patience, their wisdom, their nurturing. Not denying it. Not pretending it's not there, just so they can mold themselves to a male fantasy. I think being strong is hard by nature, and made more so by the fact that we don't know what that is.
Which is why it's important we stop getting muddled up with all these fake definitions, and start understanding what words mean for us.
