There is a song that has haunted my mind a lot this week ... It's called "Forever Autumn". And it describes the lack of a loved one. That is so typical of how I felt after the crushing news that Rowan can no longer be helped, and we will have to accept that the time is fast approaching when we have to let him go. That feeling ... so gloomy, so sad. And then the falling leaves that always make me feel depressed. The summer is over, the dark long evenings begin again. It didn't feel right ...
And yes of course I know that the fall season certainly also has beautiful days, and that nature is at its best with all the colors that you have to shine everywhere. As a photographer I look forward to autumn every year, but personally it doesn't make me happier either. It is cold, it is wet, it is dark early, bleak winds that blow around the house ... and you no longer want to sit outside all night. It always gives me a nostalgic atmosphere, as if the social coziness is coming to an end.
Terraces that have been inviting outside all summer are cleaned up and the streets look deserted, bare and gloomy again. People hurry past and the talk on the street belongs to the past for a year.
Yes it is a separate season, that fall. With beautiful colors, sometimes wonderfully sunny days ... but often also rain and gray skies.
And now that this year will probably also be Rowan's last fall, I didn't feel too happy. I felt a bit like it will be "Forever Autumn".
The text from the song by Justin Hayward that really touches me is the following ...
The summer sun is fading as the year grows old,
And darker days are drawing near,
The winter winds will be much colder,
Now you're not here.
And of course I don't know how long Rowan can be with me without pain, and I hope longer than expected. But these rules, this song ... it describes my feeling when I think I have to miss Rowan.
