I once embarked on this adventure via Steemit. At the time, I didn’t even know I was entering the crypto world. I vaguely knew Bitcoin by name, but I had no idea that there was more to crypto. What attracted me was something else: a platform where I could blog, where words were worth something. Where I didn’t have to shout for attention, but could contribute in my own way. Where I could be myself. And yes, the fact that I could also build something financially with this writing was, of course, the icing on the cake.
Those early years were a journey of discovery. I experienced the entire process—the migration to Hive, the division, the rebuilding. I stayed. Not because it was always easy, but because I believed in what Hive could be. A home for makers. For thinkers. For people with a story. For people like you and me. For everyone.
Over the years, I have not only posted content on my own blog but also helped build other projects. Some have long since been abandoned and forgotten, like in my early days, the Dutch community, All Dutch, where I managed the creative side, 
But honestly? I didn't have a lot of money either. I don't have an income, and my partner earns the minimum. Life has become and is becoming more and more expensive. So, where I hoped to be able to build something, life often intervened in the past, and I had to use my Hive reserves again to cover costs. I was annoyed about that then, and I am annoyed about it now. But that's life. Hive was not just fun and a savings pot, but often simply necessary. Not as a luxury, but as a basis. We work hard to increase our income, and always try to build up reserves. But that costs time, money, and energy. And just when you think things are going better, something changes again, and the balance tips to the other side.
Where Hive felt like a place of possibilities for years, it has slowly started to feel like a place with expectations. With rules that are not written anywhere, but are applied. I feel this in various ways. The discussions going on about "farming, reward pool raping, to how your voting behavior is interpreted. Whether you staked enough Hive. Whether you didn't power down too much, whether your KE-ratio is good enough. As if you're only "doing well" if you not only contribute, but also leave as much as possible. Keep as much as possible in the system. And seriously, I do understand what the idea behind this is.
And so, yes, I'm in a full powerdown.
Not because I want to leave Hive. Not because I want to burn everything. But because I have no other choice at the moment, and honestly, it's actually ridiculous that I feel guilty about that. I simply can't afford to leave it, and because of everything that's being said, I would feel guilty and feel obliged to explain that I'm making a choice that shouldn't require any explanation.
I'm not an investor. Not a big earner and not a whale. Not a day trader or influencer. I'm just someone who's been around for years. Someone who has helped build, care for, and create by creating content. In all those years, I've never felt like I was "entitled" to anything. I've always been grateful for what people thought my contribution was worth, that was something to be proud of. I deserved it. But to be honest, I'm starting to wonder about the latter... why does it sometimes feel like I'm not entitled to what I've earned?
Sometimes it feels like we've turned into some kind of philanthropic institution. As if it's self-evident that everyone wants to support projects that receive thousands of HBDs from the DHF. Projects that then build community wells in Farawayistan, sponsor a Hive rally car that loses every race, support a street gym community that I never see a video of, or support a cyclist that I don't read a line from. And I'm only talking about the big projects, but there have also been countless smaller expenses that no one has ever seen results from. has seen, or even has to expect, because the focus flies from left to right and back again within a few months ... without ever achieving results.
Don't get me wrong, I wish people projects that improve their lives. I wish those communities in poor countries a better life. I wish everyone their chance. But I also wish myself a better life, better financial stability, and in the meantime, we see Hive decrease in value, we see inflation on Hive increase, and yet the dollars keep flowing outwards, to projects that actually contribute nothing to Hive.
A painful paradox. Projects that contribute nothing easily rake in thousands of dollars, for which little to no accountability is given. There seems to be no control on that, and then other people, who helped shape Hive for years, have to explain why they take a few hundred HIVE a week? As if those people are the drain. While those people actually were the foundation! That makes me wonder, what the hell are we doing?
Honestly, I don't know if and how I will continue. Whether I will return to the form that people are used to. Maybe I will blog less. Maybe not for a while. Maybe differently. Not out of anger. Not because I don't care, but simply because I want to find my strength again. My voice. And maybe also: my self-respect.
I share this because I believe in transparency. Because I know that there are people reading along who have been following me for years, and because I feel that it is time to let my side of the story be heard. Not to get pity, not to make a statement. But simply because it is allowed. Because we say on Hive that it is about "your story", right?
For now, I choose to rebalance my time, attention, and energy. To build something else, something tangible, something that yields something here, in my life. No virtual ranking, no stamp of good behavior, no KE-ratio, but simply "living".
And that is sometimes hard enough!
Hive should embody that freedom. The freedom to choose how you contribute. For how long. In what form. And also: what you do with what you've earned. If we feel that we should control that, and can no longer accept the freedom to do what we want with what we've earned, then we have to ask ourselves whether we are still a community. Or have we changed into just a digital micro-economy with a very long code of conduct that no one ever wrote down?
I want to end this blog with gratitude! To everyone who has supported me over the years, read, commented, laughed with me, felt along. Especially the times when I had to let go of the dogs, I will never forget the empathy thrown at me in those times. I want to say "Thank you" to the people who don't just look at graphs, but at people! And lastly, I want to say, yes, maybe you'll see me again. In a different form, or mabye at a different pace. It can be quietly, or maybe I will come back more powerfully than ever.
