When we first come in too the world we don`t have any skills. One of the first skills we have to learn is language and motor function. And we do this through the simple process of trial and error. There is no class or manual for babies that teaches walking or talking.
The way we learn this things naturally is through observing them at the people that already mastered this skills and imitate them at our best. In the book "Mastery" written by Robert Green the process of mastery is divided in three parts observation, imitation and innovation.
The first attempts a baby makes at learning how to talk are nothing like what is being observed this generally consist in simple repetition of syllables as an attempt to pronounce entire words. And slowly through repetition the child develops the skills to properly use language and communicate. The mistakes that the child's make are considered to be normal and nobody aspects that a baby should be able to speak fluently.
When we grow up and we end up in institution like public schools for example, in this institutions they use something called punishment and rewards to "motivate" people to learn. And now when you are learning the more advanced skills like writing what happens is when you are trying to write your first letter you are going to of course make mistakes, but now instead of letting the natural process of repetition to take place and allow you to assimilate the skills you are going to get a small grate or some sort of punishment. In other words you are receiving negative feedback for normal consequences of life.
This in the long term is going to create confusion, because the people around you disapprove of you now you're perception changes and you are going to see normal reality as being wrong. This leads to neuroticism, ad an attempt to replace reality with fiction and resist things that are impossible to change. I still struggle with this whenever i start a learning something new my first tendency is to be surprise that i am not as good as i imagine in my mind. It generally requires me to pause and remember that what i was expecting initially was a miracle. And from that realization a sense of inner calm and happiness returns to me.
Because happiness is the emotional reward for the path that leads to pleasure, when you realize that your practice and the failure that will naturally occur during your practice is normal part of the process, it doesn't mean that you deviated from the course. So you are going to experience short lasting negative emotions like frustration for example but this will eventually pass and you will return to a general state of being happy.
Unfortunately because of this dynamic you were thought early on in life, end up being nothing more then intellectual and professional now you have some reverse engineering to do. This is no different then any other vice you first have to acknowledge that it is hurting you and when you will feel bad enough for hurting yourself you will stop doing it.
