Remember the first time we met?
How you smiled,
How you said Hi,
How you asked for my name.
You probably wouldn’t know how the butterflies ran wild inside me,
You probably didn’t notice the blush you painted on my cheeks.
But I could.
How do I start this?
Maybe by telling you that up to this day, I’m still waiting for fate to give us chance.
Month of August, I was alone in solitude in my so called “safe place”,
This place was special,
It was silent, eerie yet tranquil,
In that place I was me,
No expectations,
No pretensions,
No insecurities that whisper constantly.
Then the unexpected happened,
You barged in,
Your smile melted the Ice residing in my heart.
You asked for my name,
And I asked for yours.
You gave me a fake name so I had to slap your shoulders,
Remember how much fun we had?
Just talking, just the two of us.
You managed to penetrate my impenetrable world.
And you managed to paint a smile back on my face.
I didn’t want the night to end,
I just wanted to stay there,
With you.
We became closer every single day.
I started to see how beautiful your colors are.
We talked for countless hours,
And we never ran out of something to talk about.
My heart is at ease with you.
They told me when you start to fall for someone your heart beats fast like galloping stallions,
But that didn’t happen,
My heart seemed to feel safe with you.
My heart clenched at the thought,
The place was no longer my haven,
You were.
Remember the time when we both decided to go to the sea?
I opened my vulnerabilities to you then,
The water was my safe haven and I decided to share it to you,
I decided to give you a piece of my heart,
Even without the assurance of you giving a piece of yours too.
We had fun,
The water seemed to have felt that because it gave us the right temperature to swim in.
Our first lunch together,
How you asked me to eat more,
And when I refused, you brought more food to the table.
You knew what I wanted,
And by that I gave you another piece of my heart.
Remember the night you told me you loved me?
How your hands shook against mine,
How you smiled and kissed my forehead.
I told you I felt the same,
And I saw how your smiled radiated.
But we don’t live inside a fairytale book
I can’t be your princess,
Because you already have one.
I couldn’t understand your reason for not telling me,
But I tried to understand you,
I love you,
So I had to understand.
You were scared of losing me,
You were scared that the truth would drive me away and yet,
You were scared of letting her go.
How selfish of you.
But then again we are human,
It is our nature to be selfish.
I was a fool for not realizing that we can’t be possible.
It wasn’t your fault,
It was mine
I was the one who entered your life,
I was the one who messed your beautiful canvas.
I was the one who destroyed your story.
I needed to make a decision,
I need to make the right one,
So I decided to let you go.
Even if I wasn’t holding you in the first place.
Remember what I told you?
“Maybe this isn’t the right time for us. Yes, we might be destined but you have written another story and you just can’t leave that unfinished because of me.”
It was the hardest decision I ever made,
To step away,
To leave you.
I miss you,
I could never deny that.
I miss us,
Even when there never was.
I miss your eyes,
Your voice,
And your crazy corny jokes.
I miss the warmth of your hand,
I miss my haven.
So here I am,
Miserably sitting and waiting.
Waiting for fate to give us a chance one last time.
Everything that happens was never a coincidence,
It was destined to happen.
It may be at a wrong time,
But it never was a mistake.
Loving you was never a mistake,
It never will be.
I was a fool for loving you,
And I don’t regret any second of it.
I’ll still wait,
But if we aren’t really for each other,
Then I’d be happy seeing you smiling happily,
Even if those smiles aren’t for me.
PS: This isn't based on a real story. I just pictured the scenario one night while I was inside the school library ^^
