Drifting in the dark corners of the night I think about children we might have had bright girl with your smile little boy with your beautiful chestnut hair When the darkness grows deep your warm smile

I despise myself & my brothers, repenting in ashes, weeping for the dead yet to come.

Mildew and clorox Hot dry cotton Jeans tight and wrinckle free Each turn of the dryer is a moment past that will never get the chance to live

Sometimes I imagine calling my mother Talking to her about her religion She's philosophical and full of insights Then I remember my childhood and forget the whole thing Keep the wall up let nothing out

She brought forth family and home Tamed the wilds and our hearts Nourished in famine and in fat Lead us in dark times Carried us from the old world Built a home in the new Loves all with out question Made

Green glass grass crackled in the giant August sun Streets bone bleached Town floating island in a sea of dead ranches We walked as far as we could on Sundays But could never leave it behind Picking our

Dry leaves pull free from trees old dreams fall by the way Scheming my move hiding from winters billowing breath Rolling up my pack for the long swim south Past lost in my wake taut skin baptized in cool

warm coffee warms my hand soft curve of your form in sweatpants tee shirt standing over the stove looking doubtfully at a pan of eggs working together in the cold your cheeks red, hands so cold warm bread

waxy rings and glassy clay water cool from the earth levers and plugs wash away all my sins

you left your sweater on the chair in the living room i walked by it all day a shrine installed by the gods a portal to your smile the smell of you lingers in the room pouring from the wool every breath

sitting on the grass looking over the valley sun warming our hearts love building the future world endless million lifetimes of joy every morning in your smile

deep in the myre behind fences of defense blurred old memories words spoken now gone silence of an empty home soul bent bulging knot deforming bursting forth in the night to deaf ears of an empty room

The sun doesn't come any more Embarrassed, its procrastination pointed out by the pilling snow Hiding just below our horizon Darkness expands its rule over grey days Cold fog drizzle rain mixed with snow

Lost In camouflage of tattooed arms Bar shines wet with wasted beer Thick air smells of deep fried tobacco Dance floor sways to its own beat Bodies in heat melt the ice in my drink Bartender watches his

The black hole in your guts Drained your strength Absorbed your appetite Pulled the meat from your bones Inhaled our joy Stole your smile Consumed your very life But cruelly it never took our love

cold turkey 7up and gin orange cranberry ice instant mashed potatoes folding tables macaroni salad swedish meatballs white bread dinner rolls butter from the freezer plastic forks green beans metal chairs

Wolves among lambs we sit drinking box wine crowded in the tiny living room My coke whore aunt, the heroin cousin, the uncle that was convicted of raping his step daughter All cleaned up in the washing

You were tucked into a corner of couch In the glow from your kindle A shy smile on your face Half full wine glass Little kitty curled in your lap

Mountains moved by his hands Marched in the war Kill bears at breakfast Built this town with his friends Now from his chair He watches the world go by

long green swells of sea Diamonds far to deep to see Wood troller creaks the tune of a jimmy Beach slips away and night rolls in Stars follow in our wake Lay in my bunk and dream of yesterdays work To