Throughout my teenage years, depression went underground. Feelings were dangerous. There were too many angry and violent ones shaking the house for me to add to them. So I kept emotions under wraps, even more so than in childhood. Nothing phased me outside the house and even at home, I showed almost no sign of reactions to anything, even while churning with fear and anguish. Depression pushed into every corner of my existence, and both school and family life became more and more difficult. The emotions only seemed to deaden my feelings and make me feel detached from everyone and immune to every pressure. It was like having pain signals turned off. There was no longer any sign coming from my body or brain that something might be wrong. I felt “fine” but school was like the end. It's next-level sadness. My shoulders go down, my face goes red and I burst into tears. You don't really want to go anywhere. Depression is also a great liar. It will tell you all sorts of things about yourself that aren't true, but you'll believe them at that moment. I just don't feel the same anymore.
