As tears streamed down her face, mirroring the rain drops that travelled down the windshield, each sniffle grew louder drowning out the tune to Bruno Mars’, “When I was your Man”, playing from the radio speakers. That moment was nothing short of tense as I sat clutching the steering wheel of my Tiguan Volkeswagen parked adjacent to a local coffee shop. Paralyzed by the intensity of the moment I felt as though I couldn’t lift my head. As silence continued to fill the space, the suspense was beginning to take its toll on me. I couldn’t help but think that I had made a terrible decision. Consumed by guilt, I’d originally thought I was doing what was best. I was leaving, not for good, however for a time uncertain. They say “home is where the heart is” and I couldn’t agree more, so why was I leaving? She couldn’t fathom spending this much time apart, the idea of long distance was unimaginable.
She took a while to speak to me but when she mustered up the strength, all she could utter was a quiet, yet memorable, “why?”. Just days prior to this strikingly emotional encounter I’d used words like opportunity, growth, future and success, I would say things like, “I’m doing this for us”. But in this moment I was ever present, hyper focused, attempting to tune into her vibe. I’d planned to learn, to experience, realizing that the journey I was about to embark upon would be done solo. I understood that the sacrifice of the present was only an effort put forth to witness great dividends in the future.
However, when I left I mostly felt sorrow, reminiscing, often finding myself indexing all the most favorable memories with her that my mind could find. And although we talked daily I felt alone, even in the company of many. My outer appearance and inner feelings unmatched, there were many days I just felt like turning back. But with time a faith based resiliency took over my existence, achievements and outer successes formulating, this became contagious and she became encouraged. With inner peace settling in, accompanied by a surprising visit, there too began a shift in perspective as I recognized that this experience served as my teacher. I’d been life’s student enrolled in its crash course, learning more than I thought I ever could.
Reminiscent of a rollercoaster the reaches highest of heights and lowest of dips, this ride has been everything but fruitless. Establishing an even closer unity beyond any foreseeable destruction, one that is certainly a continual success story that is undoubtedly paying great dividends. Just a year ago I was riddled with doubt, a year later I couldn’t be more hopeful, and for this I’m grateful.
