I am so sorry! What a horrible mess to have to navigate. I am also the type to blame myself for everything bad, even when it might not be appropriate (this looks like a total accident, not negligence). I hope you can gain some perspective and rest easy that nobody was hurt. And give yourself a break. No claims since 1996 is a crazy good record. Allow yourself this one and breathe! I know that's easier said than done, I just had to say it.