...
I'm not sure how to express it.
I don't want to get melodramatic or descend into histrionics. People have been powering down STEEM since its been available to do so. I am one in tens of thousands, if not hundred of thousands who have and probably will do it. For some of you, it's been a means by which you keep food on the table and lights overhead.
I just didn't expect to be doing this so soon, let alone now, when STEEM is still very low in price, and who knows if it will ever rise again. There are many here on HIVE who don't think it has a chance. There are others who still think STEEM will rise again, and outperform the rebel HIVE that split off. Then, there are others, like me, who would rather both platforms did well, at least for the next 12 or so weeks, as our power downs continue.
Originally, I wanted to live off my rewards. When that quickly became a non-starter, I decided I was in it for the long haul, and that I wouldn't power down unless STEEM hit certain amounts and held, the least of which would be $1 USD. Then the crypto winter hit and where $1 and higher had already been achieved, STEEM floundered below $1 for longer than it stayed above it. So, long haul became far more than the two years and three months I've been on STEEM.
So, here I am, feeling I'm not sure how, but still feeling like I should figure it out, if for no one else, at least for my own benefit.
Those who have done this without really wanting to will probably understand this the best. The rest of you will probably wonder what my problem is and tell me to get over it.
Well, at this point, I don't think I can, nor do I think I want to. I want this feeling to last, actually, however it unravels, because I don't want to take this moment, or the next 12 to come, lightly. It needs to mean something.
Maybe that's it. I need a sense of worth—that I didn't just waste my time on STEEM, only to move to another platform and while not exactly starting over, feeling some elements of that. I've been starting over a lot over the last several years, and maybe there's more of that to come. I should just get used to it. Let it go.
I'm not ready to. I don't do things like this solely for fun. There's a future to build that is at stake here, and since I'm in my middle age, my opportunities to get it right are thinner than they used to be 10, 20, 30 years ago. I'm starting to feel the clock ticking, something I don't think I've really felt before. I've always been relying on the fact that there was always more time. Now I'm at a point where I don't think I have too many more opportunities to waste.
No, I don't think I'll be dying anytime soon, even if the coronavirus gets me. But I do have a healthy sense of my own mortality, even though life can still be what I make of it. Unbounded optimism does not describe where I'm at very well at all, but neither does unbridled pessimism. I'm somewhere in between, with my head in the clouds and my feet being firmly planted (for the most part) on the ground.
So, like it or not, understand it or not, this is a big deal. I'd rather not be alone in this, either. I'd rather that it hurt at least a little bit for others, too, because that gives it all a sense of meaning and purpose.
I came to STEEM for a few reasons, I stayed because of many more, including buying into the whole idea that one day, it could be the global digital currency that upsets economies and governance as we know it.
When that dream was increasingly dashed from the events that followed the acquisition of Steemit Inc. by Justin Sun, and the hard fork to create HIVE was announced, it became pretty clear to me that for all its promise, it would now take a miracle for STEEM to overcome its very founding, its inner demons and fumblings since, and its essential takeover, regardless of who you point the blame at.
I don't like giving up dreams. I've given up more than I care to count or share. Like opportunities, I don't know if I have that many more I can ultimately fulfill. I'd like to see this whole decentralization thing realized before I die. It will probably take a while, if it can actually happen at all. Is within 30 years too soon? How about 40? I don't think I have too much more beyond that.
Blocktrades has been announcing left and right over the last few days improvements to the site's interface, reopening STEEM/SBD for trading, and adding HIVE pairings. I've checked to see what I could get for my 900-plus newly liquified STEEM and I find myself in a dilemma. It's not a 1:1 conversion like the airdrop was because as of now, HIVE is trading on Bittrex at $0.22-plus USD, while STEEM has been bouncing between $0.16 and $0.19-ish USD. This moment, it's a smidge below $0.17, or over 5¢ less than HIVE.
Part of me thinks that's cool. HIVE has some oomph behind it straight out of the gate, while STEEM has been treading water mostly since the hard fork.
The other part of me, the one that wants to get a good deal for my STEEM so I can ultimately build up my HIVE faster, doesn't think it's so keen.
But do I wait, rooting on STEEM in the interim (and over the next 12 weeks), or do I hope HIVE does even better, because being the latest kid on the block with promise attracts attention before the new shine glitter wears off.
Give into FOMO, or HODL for a little while?
Or as someone counseled, get as much as I can into Bitcoin, presumably before it surges again, whenever that is. Before the halving? How far before?
That's just it. No one knows, except maybe those who push the market in the first place.
One way or another, things work out. Maybe not the way I want, but generally for my good. Right now, I'm liking the idea of 23,000 HP/SP (over 24,000 before the first power down happened). That puts me close to halfway to an orca, if those things still exist on HIVE.
So, while I'm not taking any of this lightly or for granted, and while I'm taking the time to record the event now, I'm still hoping for that future I started on STEEM, and feel I will ultimately depend on HIVE to realize.
I think it's good that STEEM and HIVE for the time being have some semblance of competition. HIVE and its associated dApps seem to be hard at work to push the boundaries while STEEM claims to be doing something. No hard fork yet, though, and Steemit.com has been more down than up the last few days (today being more of an exception).
But really, other competitors for STEEM haven't been close because they've lacked what HIVE has so far—developers, a greater portion of the community, and for the time being, the eyes of the greater cryptosphere watching. Maybe both platforms can push each other to be better. That might provide the motivation that's been lacking, and something that might help the HIVE team keep going beyond the initial push away to prove itself.
See? I can find silver linings. But I know it's still early days and there's much more work to be done, and inevitably, more time needs to pass for HIVE to establish itself.
In the meantime, I will continue to do what I think is best for me, and then do it, even if it leaves me a little—something—in the process.
Onward and upward.
Image source—steemitwallet.com
