Today I cried for a long time, because I was drowned in the love sea of my late American husband again. At the same time, God knows how I feel guilty of his sudden death in China, we even didn't realize he passed away lonely until the next day! I miss him crazily.
Later I met an American writer named "Jack Kerouac" from a Steemit blog. At a stroke, I was attracted by his beautiful words. I became joyful, being pulled up from the bottomless grief abysm by a great magic.
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww".
－－from "On the road"
If my American husband was still alive, I must ask him if he once read the book "On the road" written by "Jack Kerouac"!
I remember my American husband told me that when he was a child, he had travelled all over the United States with his family. It is true that he had a happy childhood!
I feel regretted that I had no chance to read American modern literature(as well as /religion/philosophy) books before. All I know and yearn for is the western knight culture in Middle Ages. That's all. Thanks to the great Steemit blog 
The real western culture/religion I was very ignorant about at that time. I even failed to understand what Christian and God is, not to mention reading the Bible. I claim to be an atheist, in fact, my religion is just marriage itself. Once I marry, my husband is just my God!
This life, I only marry one time! I always believe that the real love only has once!
At this moment, I know his kind soul is on the road, so am I!
The moment that you left me, my heart was split in two; One side was filled with memories, the other side died with you. I often lay awake at night when the world is fast asleep; and take a walk down memory lane with tears upon my cheek. Remembering you is easy, I do it every day; but missing you is a heartache that never goes away. I hold you tightly within my heart and there you will remain; you see life has gone on without you, but will never be the same.
