When I think of this title--About Chinese virgin and Western virgin, I am a little shocked by myself. But I feel it is rather necessary to point out the difference of Chinese virgin and Western virgin.
(Virgin Mary--Western-style virgin: religion)
(Chinese-style virgin: shy, shy, shy, Bride price)
source
Until my American husband passed away suddenly in China I never realized Chinese virgin and Western virgin are two different matters and ideas. Because nobody told me about them and I also had no chance to read them from books or any other media...
Facing his sudden death in China, my soul was shattered but my virgin body/the door of my virginity burst open! Oh, God, on one hand, my heart was extremely painful; on the other hand, I felt that kind of extreme happiness at the shift of being a real woman from an old virgin. The fear of sex from childhood trauma vanished all of sudden! My body hungered for his body strongly! I embraced his ice-cold corpse gently through the funeral, "My darling, my man, pardon me, please survive for me! I want you crazily! I love you!" it is the cry of my soul and body! For me, the funeral is just my real wedding!
However, God is like a calm and strict judge, he has pronounced sentence of death! Nobody and nothing can change/revise this brutal result!
I couldn't help doubting how the power of culture and thought/religion in different countries is so huge that only death can overcome and destroy it...
Oh, God knows that Chinese virgin and Western virgin are two totally different concepts! Pitifully my American husband didn't know about it, and at that time I didn't know, too.
It seems that Western virgin is mainly related to Christian religion, like Virgin Mary, Mother Teresa who devoted their life to God! Chinese virgin is for getting a good price in Chinese marriage market, it has nothing to do with religion, it is only like a college diploma in job market! Without the diploma of virginity, it means that you've lost your chance/passport of climbing the ladder of success in Chinese marriage market! So there are a lot of tricks about how to pretend to be a virgin on the wedding night and how popular the hymen repairing operations are in China.(Of course, you have no chance to read or learn them from any media in public. Believe it or not, it is a world full of lies and tricks!)
I thought now the young Chinese generation has changed a lot about "virgin diploma/complex", who knows it still exists? It is the reason why I'm trying to write this blog.
All my dear international readers, please find out the answer yourself from my interior monologue below.
Dear Amanda, today(September 7th, 2019) it is the 4th anniversary of his death. Gradually he was becoming far away unless I try to think of him on purpose.
But today I sent off my sister and her fiance in Zhengzhou airport, too. My sister finally followed her fiance to another place--Xinjiang autonomous region, near to Kazakhstan. It takes 4 hours for them to go to Urumqi (the capital of Xinjiang) from Zhengzhou(the capital city of Henan province) by plane.
But there is one thing you can't guess. The reason why I tell this to you is for letting you know about Chinese culture better.
In fact, we are disappointed with her fiance's height. He is too short, but my sister felt his social status (a military surgeon/official) was OK enough, she chose to accept him.
She led him to visit my parents happily, too.
Who knows an unpleasant thing happened? Can you guess it?
Her fiance nearly tried to call off the engagement, not to mention to pay 彩礼.
What is 彩礼? It is a kind of Chinese marriage custom. The male's side should pay an amount of money to the female's family before marriage. Such kind of money is called 彩礼, i.e. Bride price.(It is all due to Chinese custom about inheritance right. In law, married daughters enjoy the equal inheritance right from parents with married sons; in tradition/truth, only sons enjoy it. As for the wealthy Chinese family in upper society, it is another story.)
But his mother and older sister both love my sister, they helped persuade him to marry my sister...They feel that my younger sister is a suitable bride-to-be, holding bachelor degree in medicine and good looks, he finally agreed to marry her again...
Later my sister told me the reason why he tried to cancel engagement. It is because my sister is not a virgin.
But why and how my sister lost her innocence? We can say that it is due to his tragic death. Only because I had no courage to make love before getting "彩礼bride price/American visa" due to huge spiritual pressure, I lost my precious American husband,(he was really "silly", he regarded me as sacred "Western virgin" who shouldn't be offended. However, I couldn't realize it until he passed away.) causing him to die lonely, so my sister made up her mind to try sex.
(Welcome to watch this classical Polish movie, the poor heroine died of panic! You can imagine how I was under huge spiritual pressure and threaten at that time! How dare a poor old Chinese girl from lower society marry an American? I really became ill!)
At first, she got a young boy(should be handsome) younger 2 years than her to make love/lose her virginity for a try on purpose.
Later she was cheated by an older man, and making love with him for several times. It is all due to the loneliness and helplessness of my family facing this huge tragedy! Soon later she felt rather regretted and humiliated/indignant...
Her fiance became cold immediatly after finding she was not a virgin. I guess it must be very ridiculous for American people. but it is the real Chinese virgin culture. Then my sister daren't claim for 彩礼 again. She can't wait to change fate through marriage like me at that time, since she is in her 30's, too.
I don't know if her marriage will be happy. but she is smarter than me, maybe she knows how to favor man.
In order to favor her fiance, I also help explain the reason why my younger sister lost virginity to her fiance. I said that it was because of my tragedy. We family were all too sad about my American husband's sudden death, and my mother suffered a stroke of paralysis, being confined to bed all days, only my sister and I dealt with his funeral...she was cheated by an evil man, she never had any sex before my husband died. Of course, it is the fact.
I feel it is like a humiliation. But we have no other choice, no other choice...
No other people in high society would like to help us. I have tried my best to ask for help, I want to retaliate, nobody helps me. I want his Chinese school to pay a price for his tragic death in China. He worked for them so hard for 15 months, he even devoted his life to helping teach English in China, they couldn't treat his death so ruthlessly, they should pay his death compensation according to both Chinese law and custom. If not for the employment of that bloody Chinese school, maybe he didn't come to China and die lonely.
I pray my sister can get happiness. Her fiance's family is in high society. It is said that one of his relatives is in US now. His sisters' sons are wonderful, one is in HK with doctorate degree, the other is in Malaysia.
My sister promised me once she had chance, she would help me.
It has been 4 years since I cherished this belief! I believe someday there will be a fairness, he couldn't die in China like a bubble disappearing in the air, no sound, no trace, nothing left...God knows he was such a wonderful American scholar with college diploma and a variety of certificates.
Many times I am so despaired. Nobody helps me, so I try to forget him, so I really forget him graduately. Because I don't know if there is still a fairness. Maybe until I die, I still have no way to visit his country...
However, how can I forget our short but honeysweet happiness?
It is the perfect combination of China and US! Our hearts sang for each other!
I still remember he sent you one word "perfect" via mobile text when we met in Beijing airport at first. Perfect! Who knows God caused so much trouble?
P.S. Amanda is the only American lady who treats me friendly after my husband died. She is his only great and intimate friend when he was ignored by his American family. So interesting, it proves that China is a male-dominated society, US is a female-dominated society.
Thanks to you, dear Amanda, thanks for your great sympathy and kindness, your message is always a big comfort and encouragement to me,
Its hard to believe its been 4 years. It seems like just yesterday. The differences in the US and China always amazed me. I like when you tell me the differences in the custoums. I hope she will be happy, sounds like he has a good family.
(Thank Godness! Now my sister arrives in Xinjiang safely! May she be happy! A new chapter of her life begins!)
