Introductions at a mirror window.

Well, i didn't expect to receive a reply at my first post with someone suggesting that I introduced myself here. I thought the blog would be kinda of a void in the internet where I could unclog the words inside my mind.

Having an audience is scary, but I guess that's part of why I chose to post it instead of writing it on a paper diary where no one would be able to read. I need to start doing scary things and I need to keep moving.

After reading many testmonies from people facing similar struggles, I write this blog in the hope of helping someone in the future, even if that someone is just me it would be okay.

Now, how do I describe who I am when I'm not even sure of it and this person writing is so far from who I want to be? Writing about it here feels like talking to myself looking at a two way mirror. I'm alone but the chance of having an audience is never zero, as @indayclara from @lovesniper made clear on my first post on hive.

So what am I? I like to think im a hyena, I see a lot of myself in them. From some curious tidbits about their bodies, like how female hyena have an absurd amount of testosterone which makes them be easily mistaken by a male in more way than one; to the misconceptions about them, as thinking they are scavengers, malicious or opportunistic animals.

This kinship with them took me to the furry fandom, a weird but welcoming place, there is where I met @trashyomen, who told me about Hive a long while ago. They aren't active here anymore, but they were kind enough to supply some RC for me to post and explain some things. This place is confusing to newcomers. Indaya asked how I got here so I guess its important to include.

Im a trans woman with almost 30 yearsbof age, a really messed up back thanks to genetics and driving for way too long during my early 20s, fighting some addictions and losing sometimes, trying to making a living with art and doing vocal training so when I finally look good on the exterior I dont sound like Morgan Freeman when I open my mouth. Maybe later down the road I will talk more about the past but for now what I really want and need is to focus on the present.

And tomorrow, I need to get my ducks on a row, do my excercises, my studies and trainings. So I will probably # actfit for my back training. Don't know yet where to put the voice training and art though. Thanks again Indaya for pointing those journaling and self betterment communities on your comment.

The idea of doing an introduction was stressing me out but as a very wise dog says frequently, "it must be done".

Now let's hope tomorrow will be better and that the daily journal has a good entry.