You feel stressed and overpowered and it literally feels as if the walls are tumbling down all around you. You have this awkward feeling and you don't know if you should laugh or cry, because things can just not get worse than what they are right now. You ask and ask for help and it feels as if no one is listening? Your friends try, but they can't console you. All you want to do is to curl up in a corner and wait for this awful feeling to go away.
I'm sure many of you have felt this way at some point in your life. After my father recently passed away, it took me a few months to get back to where I am today. I have absolute peace with the fact that he left us, and that he is now in a place where there is no more pain and suffering.
Yesterday I felt totally helpless for the first time in a very long time. My mom fell last week Sunday, June 14th, and hurt herself very badly. She bumped her head against the wall and hurt her leg. She had a bump on her head as big as a tennis ball, she couldn't stand on her leg at all. We had to push her in a chair wherever she wanted to go. Obviously I wanted to take her to the hospital immediately but she refused. She was in so much pain, and my heart broke for her but she bluntly refused. The fact that my dad died in that hospital did not help, and I eventually just gave up. How was I supposed to help her if she didn't want to be helped?
I was willing to give it a few days to try and convince her to go for x-rays. She kept the pain under control with her own pain meds, but even that didn't help. She was in terrible pain, and eventually, I just put my foot down and took her to the doctor. This happened on 18 June, and as suspected the doctor ordered her to go for x-rays. She promised she would go but when we got home we were back to square one.
We arranged for a walking frame and moved her bed close to her bathroom, and miraculously she started walking to the bathroom and back. She had less pain, and she said she was sure that it was only a torn muscle and that she was okay.
She was wrong. She lost her balance with the frame and fell again. On the same leg, and she was in tremendous pain. This time I did not take any nonsense, and I took her straight to the emergency room where they discovered that she actually broke her leg in two places.
I have never felt so helpless in my life. With Covid-19 I am not allowed inside the hospital, as the visiting hours have been suspended. So I had no choice but to just leave her. Worst of all she landed opposite the bed where my dad died, so she was terrified and sad and I couldn't do anything for her. She had to go for an operation and yesterday afternoon she went to theatre without anyone being there to support her.
Do you know how it feels when you want to be somewhere but you're not allowed to be there?
I prayed a lot yesterday and a calmness came over me after I read the following:
Isaiah 43:1 “Don't fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.”
I felt calm from the minute she went in until she phoned me to tell me everything was over and it went well.
Did you know that the phrase "fear not" is used nearly 80 times in the Bible? All we have to do is to pray to God and ask HIM to take away our fear. He protects us from evil because it is only evil that can make us live in fear. The enemy decreases our hope.
When you feel afraid and helpless, or you feel that there is no hope, then pray to God and ask HIM for guidance and support. He will give you the strength to carry on. God will never forsake you and even if you cannot feel Him, He is still close. In times of trouble, he carries you where you cannot walk yourself.
19. “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21. and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. 22. “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23. In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24. So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’ 25. “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’ 27. “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, 28. for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’ 29. “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’ 30. “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ 31. “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead."
I thank God for what He has done for us, to send His only son to come and die for our sins. Without God, we are doomed and if you have not yet accepted God as your savior, you should do it before it is too late!
