This last weekend, Sunday to be precise, I was fortunate to be part of a team that went to the introduction ceremony of a son to one of my neighbours here. Everything that happened at the venue reminded me of the bride price culture that we run in Africa, Nigeria to be precise.
On getting to the house of the bride-to-be, we were barricaded from entering the premises by the 'wives of the house'. The wives of the house here refers to the wives of immediate and extended family members in the bride-to-be's family who have been around to assist in preparing food for the occasion. They laid a piece of cloth on the floor and instructed that a certain amount of money must be put into the cloth before we can be granted access to the premises. Knowing that this is usually the culture, all of us that came from the intending groom's family started contributing money to the cause. The total amount fell short of the amount demanded but we were granted access after some persuasion and jokes.
We entered and the program commenced while we were made to part with money almost at every junction of the program.
Marriage rites in most Nigerian cultures can broadly be categorized under three main events:
Not all weddings involve the three steps depending on those involved in the conjugation process. On the other hand, some other processes inculcate another step known as the court wedding where the bride and the groom become joined by the law of the country. This might involve ceremonies or otherwise depend on the choice of those involved. Some go as far as bringing a band to the customary court premises during the court wedding.
As culturally diverse as Nigeria is, most cultures put a premium on the bride. In other words, the husband-to-be and his family are made to pay a price in terms of monetary and material things. This is generally referred to as the bride price, although it is technically supposed to be the bride's list because the bride's price always appears on the list of things to be brought for the traditional wedding.
On the day of the introduction or some time after, the bride-to-be family sends a list of monetary and material things to be brought in order for the solemnization to take place. The list of things to be brought is not written in stone and also varies from one family to the other and from culture to culture. In many cases, the bride's family writes the list according to the economic status of the groom's family. If the groom and his family find the list as being too expensive for their status, they try to negotiate with the bride's family to beat it down as much as possible.
Some cultures reason with the groom and his family and yield to demands while trying to beat down the list but in some other cultures, the list remains sacrosanct, and every item on it must be brought before the union can take place. In some cultures, you can marry a woman with a bride list that will not exceed $300 in monetary value, while you will need as much as $10,000 to marry in some other cultures. This is one of the reasons men in those cultures take considerable time before settling down. Some marry as high as 50 years old while in other cultures, men marry as low as 20 years old.
Not only are you made to pay before marrying a woman as a man in Nigeria, but some cultures also require that you and your family members prostrate (men) or kneel (women) to the bride's family on the day of the introduction and traditional weddings.
So, if you are a non-Nigerian man planning on taking a Nigerian woman as a wife, be prepared to pay and prostrate before signing the dotted lines.
What is the culture in your country?
