It is indeed.
I lost somebody to suicide when I was in high school. Was like a father figure after my pops passed away when I was a kid and this guy took his life. He was 35 and a pastor at our church at the time making it even weirder and hard to understand. I look at it like at that point it’s a brain chemistry issue on top of reasons the person is thinking about. It still hurts.

Hang in there brother!