Boobs but not the fall

It had been a hard day; work.

I had a super early flight out in the morning, a work day from the sixth level of Dante's purgatory that even Satan would have hated and it went for too long - and ran well over time meaning a missed flight home - then...not even a single sexy air hostess to chat up in-flight on the way back; none that I'll admit to anyway. The airport was congested, lucky I wasn't a fucken loser who checked my bag in, I thought when I walked past those fucken losers waiting for their checked luggage, and off I went to find my driver - not Uber, I fucken hate Uber - to take me home.

Once there, I had a quick meal of crackers with cheese and olives, alone because my partner was already asleep, a shower and then got into bed thinking, this sleep is going to be so fucken glorious and I deserve it.

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It was 23:00 and, with a 05:00 alarm the next morning, I was keen to fall asleep after what had been an incredibly long day.

Fortunately sleep came, but as I was falling asleep I wondered at the unusual slipperiness of the sheets finally remembering my partner telling me earlier she'd bought some new sheets, high thread-count and very luxurious sheets, and put them on the bed. As I drifted to sleep I thought, hmm, nice sheets, slippery and comforting... then I fell asleep.

I wish that was the end of the story, boring though it may be, but it isn't. You see...falling asleep wasn't the only falling I did.

In the very early hours of the morning nature called, a byproduct of too much coffee over the day prior and on the flight home; the idea was to keep myself alert but, of course, that came with other ramifications.

In somewhat of a sleepy daze the need to go go the bathroom struck though I fought it; I'd be up soon enough but eventually resigned myself to the fact I'd have to get up then and there. I was still in a very sleepy state, only partially awake, but I moved slightly preparing to get out of bed and then it happend...

To be honest, I didn't actually know what happened at the time, enlightenment came later.

One moment I was snuggled on high thread count sheets next to a soft and shapely girl with bumps in all the right places and the next writhing in agony on the solid timber floor with pain emanating from my left hip, elbow and left side of my head. I believe I spoke the well used words one often speaks in such moments of surprise, what the fuck, and then I actually realised what the fuck had happened.

I realised I'd been laying on the very edge of the bed on my side and when I moved those high quality, expensive, high thread count sheets had conspired to dump me rather unceremoniously out of bed and onto the fucken floor. There was no floating sensation, slow motion, no soft landing...just an abrupt fall and an unwelcome sensation of pain in three places.

I lay there for a bit - mostly because I felt pretty dazed after banging my head pretty hard - waiting for that sexy soft and shapely girl to exclaim with concern, leaping out of bed (I was actually really keen on this part because she sleeps naked) to help me but...nope. Nothing. I was on my own.

I managed to get up after a titanic effort, touched my head lightly checking for bleeding and my elbow and hip to see how tender they were - I wasn't bleeding - so went off to the bathroom.

Before long I was back in bed - cursing the sheets, the bed for not being big enough despite being a king-sized bed, elbow, hip and head, the solid timber floor, the 05:00 alarm, the congested airport, coffee, Satan and that other idiotic fictional character Jesus, the CEO of the organisation I work for, the girl next to me because I didn't get a glimpse of her milky white nakedness, my second grade teacher, anyone reading this post, Joe Biden, Ukraine, AI, Elon Musk and pretty much anyone and anything that has ever lived...but mostly myself for being a fucken idiot and falling out of bed.

The next morning at breakfast I asked that milky white, shapely, girl I sleep next to each night if she'd heard anything, any noises, during the night. She looked at me quizzically, shook her head and said no, like what? I rolled my eyes, feeling pain emanating from my fucken head, elbow and hip bone and said, like me falling out of bed and getting fucked up!

She laughed...but her robe fell open a bit and I got a decent glimpse of boobs. It was a small win, but a win all the same.

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This is a true story folks, something that happened three or so weeks ago and which I'm still feeling in my elbow which is still quite painful; my hip is ok and my head is hard as fuck so it's going well also. It's sort of funny now I guess, an event I've told a few people who all thought it was hilarious but at the time it was less funny. One second on the bed, the next second on the floor writhing in pain...I don't even remember the fall. I remember the glimpse of boobs though, one must always remember the good things right?

Have you ever fallen out of bed or had some other things like this happen to you? Feel free to comment if you'd like.