This is messed up on so many levels bro, and insurance... oh man I could rant on but you really comprehend it all very well.

Society is falling apart, at the very least the person could have put an apology note with contact information in the windshield wipers to take accountability and rectify things if they didn't want to wait for you.

I think the assessment of drunk asshole is on the money.

The only good thing is that it's superficial damage and not mechanical, but it still sucks and I would be really pissed off too. That's called wholesome righteous anger and there's nothing wrong with that. Too many people lack accountability these days.