In my short post in the first part of "opinionitus" I said I was going to try to resist sharing my own views and try to be a better listener.
Not so easy
The benefits of paying attention to others and not only allowing them to be, but perhaps even appreciating who they are and how they handle their life situations, seam both immense and obvious.
With the new possibility of enjoying and getting along better with people everywhere, this new idea of resisting the urge to share "my obviously superior" and well researched ideas should be easy, right?
Its not easy at all!
What actually happened
So what happens is, the voice in my head is just as noisy as ever, its judging, criticising, thinking about what it wants to say... I am thank goodness, mostly able to stop this crap leaving my lips, but...I still find I have very little attention left for listening.
People can tell when your not 100% with them, its annoying and a waste of their time and energy also. Plus I miss important stuff, which makes me defensive later, see where that goes?
Part of the reason I was gathering and nurturing all these "clever" strategies, mostly copied from people who were actually sharing real experiences, was to cover an insecurity or gain an advantage. Gaining an advantage is usually also, covering an insecurity, but lets not go there today.
So initially this was a crushing blow to my oversized but completely hollow ego.
Not only could I not sell "my borrowed cleverness", I was just as inattentive, vague and detached.
I had gone from asshole to airhead, but where there is life there is hope ha ha
Somewhere in all this, I did re-ask myself the questions, who could I be, what could I focus on, if I am able to lose my addiction to opinions?
The answer of course, is be myself, focus on what I find interesting, maybe expand on some real skills, instead of trying to borrow other peoples..sounds good.
So I have been doing the same stuff but with more dedication, eating better, training smarter, even getting a bit more work done. (I do these things the way I personally feel is better for me rather than to prove that I deserve more attention)
I am being brutal with myself here, its ok, I know who I am, better to be tough on myself than a jerk with the people I care about.
I still have some serious relationship healing to do..
I am sure you guys and gals are doing a better job out there?
Never give up :)