I sense a bit of defeatism in how you seem to approach this. If you're cutting off the people who have caused you trouble, then you're free to carve your own path. The roadblocks... you can go around them by doing things your way. After all, there's nothing to lose at this point, right?

I think what you need to do is take the big jump to do things as you wish to do them. Fear holds you back (and I understand this - many people are held back by fear of a big change). However, if the only other way out would be the end of life, wouldn't it make sense to instead make the big change so that you can live life in a way that's better for you?

I think you deserve to make such a change for yourself.

Now, it's not something that will necessarily happen immediately, and I think you can use the support of others to help you out. It's important for you to have a support system. Come join the Discord of the group I'm running (FreeCompliments) and we'll support you as you try to live your life your own way. That way, you'll never be alone. How does that sound?