Being Married is a Gift, Staying married is a curse. It's a matter of choice, that is: "If you want it to be" The reason why?, it can either bring you peace or cost you your peace.
When I see people getting engaged in a very dramatic way I chuckled, because getting far enough they'll realize it really wasn't worth the effort and drama. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful thing but Ohhh….. Trust me when I write this "There is a huge difference between courtship and getting married".
In courtship, not all characters and behaviors are being revealed between the two partners. But once in a while some red flags pop up that you just don't pay any attention to.
I actually find it alarming as men tend to hide a certain negative character more than the women.
After marriage, BOOM! bring on the dynamite;!, Give it a year or more. You'll start noticing different characters from your partner you don't even know exist. Besides, marriage has bonded you two together so why keep pretending and hiding behaviors?
The Bigger Questions??
Most people actually regret at this stage and ask if they made a mistake getting married?. However the question they should be asking is what to do at this stage? Some actually take the option they feel is best by leaving the marriage, why most stay and try to strengthen the marriage.
I for sure don't know which is the right choice for them, it all depends on the circumstances they're in. If it's an abusive marriage then the option should not be debated but to divorce.
For me getting married is a Gift and you'll know why in a minute. I dated my partner for five years in University before getting married. We were actually on the same level but he is older than me in terms of age. We finished together and went to Nysc together.
Marriage isn't for the weak, and it's not all about love. If you're getting married because of love then think again.
Well at the start of our courtship it was all about love but after a while the love wasn't just there anymore. instead it was replaced with something much stronger.
The journey wasn't sweet, it wasn't bitter either. It was all about commitment and Tolerance, it was all about sacrifice and endurance, it was all about faith and hope. Trying to make each other succeed the very best way we can. This was what kept the relationship for so long.
It's our 7th year together and I must say a lot of things changed. But the most precious Gift i had and benefited from this relationship was giving birth to my boy. Hidden behaviors were reviewed, secret habits were drawn out and characters I didn't know existed were displayed.
A Chance!
At first I wanted to leave, I thought that was the only option. Nahhh! It wasn't, on second thought leaving would only mean I lost. Dedicated 7 years of my life in a relationship, it will be a waste to leave just like that, besides who knows if the next relationship will be worse than this. It"ll be like from Fire to firewood.
Before leaving a marriage you must think about just one important factor, and that is your child if of course there is any. If none then you are free to leave with whatever excuse you come up with. "When there is a child then there is an oath."
For me I decided to stay back and mend my relationship because of one reason and that is my son. I wouldn't want him to grow up without his father by his side and with siblings from different fathers, that might cause him to make the same mistake of going into polygamous in the future. Not that it's bad, it just doesn't bring peace to a home.
One thing this Marriage has taught me is being independent. The only advice I got for all the single ladies out there is very simple. "Before getting married make sure you've got your own source of income, a business, a trade, a job, anything, just have your own cash and don't be dependent on your husband". That way he'll respect you alot and if any misbehavior from him occurs it wont even affect you that much, because your business etc will be keeping you busy taking your mind off the shit he is doing.
Pretending to be blind and paying less attention to his bad behaviors saves you the trouble of dying early. With this implemented, My Marriage keeps growing stronger!.
Till we read again :)