this past Monday was the 24th of September. In South Africa it is a public holiday called "Heritage" day. It is a day to celebrate the cultural diversity of our current and past affairs.
Some smart fellow in the recent past, decided to call the day "BRAAI Day" and as it is in Spring, and as we live in "Sunny South Africa" with the most beautiful weather (unless you are a poor farmer who needs rain), the idea has caught on famously. Corporates love any ideas like this as they can advertise and promote the sales of more "stuff". Yes indeed, "BRAAI Day" has been skillfully commercialized.
The day was officially intended by the Government to be used to trumpet forth the glory of the past, and the oppression recently overcome. They are not too charmed by the competition from BRAAI Day, too many of us are missing their speeches.
Well this past weekend presented two such opportunities to BRAAI, the Saturday where we were honoured by a visit from Dr Human and her boyfriend. It was decided that a BRAAI would be held in my honour as I recently turned 59 years. They would provide the meat and we would provide snacks, cooldrink and pudding. Jarrod (the boyfriend of Tanith, my doctor daughter) did the BRAAI-ing. No complaints there as the man is skilled at doing the BRAAI. Yes he qualifies as a South African MAN, as he can BRAAI!!
On Sunday we continued mopping up the excess BRAAI food and it was duly finished before the close of day.
Monday arrives, Braai Day! But I don't really feel like BRAAI-ing. Yet I am a South African "Male"?!?! and I must BRAAI. It is my duty! What to do?
I have an idea; in days past I had watched a funny woman on You Tube clips with the name of Suzelle DIY. She is an "Afrikaans Tannie" (aunty) who likes to do things and BRAAI. On one of her clips she showed us how to make a BRAAI-PIE. Two layers of puff pastry with cheese, onions, mushrooms, meat and so on. I idly made the suggestion to my Better Half. She asked me the vital question: Do we still have a BRAAI grid? Yes, I airily assured her, it can be found at the rubble of the knocked down old BRAAI(where it has been lying for at least three years).
(where the BRAAI grid was "stored" Sad about state of garden but we get charged exorbitant prices for water)
I went and bought some cooked chicken, puff pastry, brickets for the BRAAI and also some skinny little pork sausages. Also bought some cooldrink . Done!
I took my Youngest and tried to play some squash with her. Came home afterwards to find that my dear wife had already got coals ready for the BRAAI. Not enough coals but enough to cook the pork sausages. I chucked the sausages on the Weber BRAAI and turned them a bit. Some were overcooked and some not done. I hadn't leveled out the coals. My wife looked at me sorrowfully and exclaimed that I was without doubt the worst BRAAI-er that she had ever seen or known. I took the information well, considering that it was/is the truth.
we ate the sausages with some sweet chili sauce and enjoyed it. I would have loved to put it on a bread roll but my weight is going the wrong way and I must cut down starches, besides the BRAAI PIE is still coming.
I look at the miserably few coals, they are in the wrong place, they should have been placed on the lower grid of the Weber, but what can a woman be expected to know about "man things" such as braai-ing? I place the lower grid on and heap the rest of the brickets on the grid. Wife doubts my skill. I ignore her concerns as I play my racing car game. Dense smoke billows from the Weber. All according to plan! The brickets all catch alight and intense heat radiates from the fire. Too hot. I used too many brickets. I need to cool this down! So I take my spade and "gently" close the bottom air vent. Wife complains about mis-perceived violence to the Weber. I then put the lid on top and close that vent too. This will cool the fire. While I wait, I play a long race on the car game (29 minutes), I don't win which puts me in a bad mood. I open the Weber. What the hell? My coals on top are out! A few coals gleam from the bottom level from the first BRAAI. Emergency measures are called for.
I rush inside and get my bottle of parrafin. I liberally "sprinkle" the coals (maybe a more accurate word would be "douse"). Hmm, no flame, what is going on here? I take the firelighter and as I click the lighter, a tremendous ball of flame whoofs up from the BRAAI. I stagger backwards as my wife shouts at me in alarm.
The parrafin burns out and leaves only two or three coals partly lit. Yes, I am in action all right! I whip out the lower level grid to combine the coals. There is so much ash it is choking the few lit coals. I ask for an electric fan, none here, all in Pretoria with the girls. Damn it all, hate BRAAI-ing. I find a piece of cardboard and get some exercise in getting the coals going. Michele puts the assembled BRAAI grid on the coals. The BRAAI-PIE is eventually done. We eat, it is dark, I certainly took longer than I expected. My uncomplaining and patient family eat BRAAI-PIE.
(the aftermath, my grid is pretty buckled, do you guys like my socks?)
Later that night when I am struggling to fall asleep as usual, my hand touches my left eyebrow. What the hell? My eyebrow is all curly! Then it hits me, the ball of flame from the BRAAI crisped some of them up. It was closer than I thought.
Next year Jarrod will be booked to do the BRAAI on BRAAI DAY, I am now sick of damn BRAAIs.
