In testing times, we can can feel overwhelmed. The saying "You can't see the wood for the trees" is most apt. Everything is crowding in on you, your thoughts are disorganised, and sometimes reality feels like a dream. Or you wish it was just a dream. When those dark places or the "valley of the shadow of death" makes you feel like you really are in a dream and you're hoping that you are just about to wake up to how things were, then you know the situation isn't great.
Being in one of those places right now, we scramble to think of what we need to do - hold on to scripture, seek God with fervent and desperate prayers, and claim what we know is rightfully ours as a child of God. These these things are good. God doesn't mind desperate prayers. (He does mind selfish prayers though. As I sat and prayed in my dark place this week, I wondered how many people were also sat seeking God at that moment, praying for that miracle they desperately needed. I wondered how many were bargaining with God. It's easy to do that, try and get God to grant you a miracle if you promise to do such and such. But I know, as desperate and sincere as most of these prayers may be, and some may be answered, God isn't moved by us bargaining with Him. Especially as 99% of those people praying such prayers would never fulfil their end of the bargain anyway. They simply want their miracle, and then never acknowledge the One Who granted it. Until the next time...)
What moves God is faith. It's easy to think when we're coasting along in life, that our night seasons or the valley of the shadow of death will never come. But life is such that these times do come because we live in a fallen world. But we have an assurance and a hope in the God of the Bible. The Creator of the whole universe never fails us. We can fail; we can give in or we can feel like it's all our responsibility to fix it, or bear the pain, but we take away His rightful place when we do this. We can let the cares and the troubles of this world bring us down, and steal our joy, peace and strength.
Alternatively, we can hold on tight to the promise. Our hope lies in the One Who paid for us with His own blood. When my faith is hanging on like a thread, or is as small as a grain of mustard seed, I can never let go of my Jesus' sacrifice, or the Father's. To let One Child die and suffer to save His other children is mind blowing. But that price was paid, and in the depths of the valley of the shadow of death, or in the deep dark forest where I can't see the wood from the trees, I have one assurance that sustains me: He Loves Me. He purchased me with His blood. He will never leave me or forsake me.
As I prayed, and confessed scripture, claiming the promises of God, ready to fight and clothed with the armour of God, I realised that although these things are all very good, and scriptural, the one thing we are told to do when we are in these situations is to not fear:
Even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me (Psalm 23 v 4)
The first thing that crept over me when I was thrust into the deep sunless valley was fear. You don't even realise it at first, it is stealthy and encompassing, but in a mix with so many other emotions, it easily takes over. Fear is the very first thing we need to address and get rid of. In fear, all the other things we do (praying, confessing scripture etc) are not from a position of faith, they're done from a position of fear. And there's a world of difference to how we speak, how we feel, how we react when we are operating from a place of fear - even when we're doing "christian" things!
So in the depths of the sunless valley, in the dark places, my job is to keep seeing Him for Who He is: my Saviour. He's bigger than my circumstance. He's never going to let me down. I just need to keep trusting in His unfailing love, take each step with His hand in mine. Keep rolling all my cares on to Him, for He cares for me, and He will carry my cares and anxieties for me. I don't have to carry them myself. Keeping my eyes fixed on my beautiful Saviour, I simply can not fear. All I can do is worship Him, for His love drowns me.
When I come out the other end, I know my Lord and I will be closer, not because He caused the testing time (I don't believe God causes any bad situations, but He will use them when they come to help us grow or to bring us closer to Him), but because He carried me through it.
The bad times are rubbish, but my God will bring me out stronger and wiser, and I know He'll reveal more of Himself to me if I let Him. So I take the journey through the valley with courage (not my own, His) and I know that this will become a page in my book whereby I will give glory to my Jesus. I will not fear, I will give it all to Him and exchange fear for His peace.
So I count it all as an opportunity to let my God show forth His wonderful acts, and look forward to sharing my story with those around me of how He brought me through it, to encourage people and tell them about my wonderful Jesus.
I give Him all the praise!
