For the first time since I joined the workforce 16 years ago, I was let go from my job earlier this week. It’s been a rough week. I’ve gone from tears, anger, depression, euphoria and back again a million times. I’ve done a lot of soul searching this week and have come to realise, I’m actually relieved I never have to set foot inside the place again.
It didn’t set my soul on fire and made me miserable, so the fact it’s come to an end - albeit an abrupt, unplanned one - is definitely a blessing in disguise. A relief. Freedom. It’s made me realise how far I’ve come mentally and emotionally, if you’d have hit me with this 6, 12, 18+ months ago, it would’ve destroyed me. Sure I’m stressed about financing the lifestyle I’ve become accustomed to but can you ever put a price on happiness? I think not. Bottom line, I wasn’t happy.
I’ve spent a lot of time alone this week. Trying to work through a lot of the inner shit I’d been repressing trying to fool myself into a state of acceptance that this mediocre, unfulfilling job I’d started to settle in was all I was good enough for. Deep down, I know I’m destined for more - don’t ask me what yet, that part I’m still working through - but there is more to life than the 9-5 bull shit we are sold as ‘normality’.
I watched a documentary this evening that summed up things pretty well for me. It was talking about life and the society we live in. We are all so focused on an ending. The degree, the dream job, the family, the kids, the house, the car - most of the time, when we arrive at the ending, it’s not a happy one because we are still searching for that next ending, that next tick of the box of the life we are sold and told we ‘have to have’.
Why? All we ever really have is this moment, right now. The documentary went on to say we should be looking at life like a song. We don’t rush forward to the end of the song to hear the climax, we listen to it in its entirety, the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows and enjoy it for what it is. If we can do this with songs, books, movies why are we all trying to race through life to find that elusive happy ending?
This was a light bulb moment for me. All I have is this moment. I can dwell on the negative shit that’s gone down, see myself as a victim and wallow in self pity or I can pick myself up, ride the ebbs and flows and keep seeing life as a song. That’s what I’m doing. Life is like a song.
