Hey man, I've been gone for quite some time and I have come to reconnect and I have found your blogs once again but they are not on the same vibes as when I left.

I don't know if this is any help to you or if you care to read it. I can understand both sides. I am writing in hopes that in some way you can find... batteries to put in your flash light.

I used to enjoy an evening here and there by myself with a few tokes. One day things started to change for me. My thoughts during those evenings would be quite grim and as much as I would try to shut them out they would creep back in, leaving me awake at night, crying over so much, it was destructive.
I found that my demons were easier slaughtered when I stopped than when I did. It was easier to make decisions to sway those thoughts, easier to get myself doing something to change the topic that goes on in my head. I'm not saying weed is bad, it just was for me at that time for some reason. Made no sense that it was doing that, never had that problem before either. Perhaps it is doing that for you during a time where things are at it's worst because of this stupid pandemic.

I never went back to it, worried that it would drag me back in. My days are already about me fighting with myself, I want to make all good odds on my side and anything that can try to take that away from me, I will crush it before it has a chance to start. Sometimes that simple thing can be doing dishes. If I can't even look at them, then I wont try, I'll just go outside and sit in front of my door and really, they aren't hurting anyone by not being done then and there. Just an example of something so simple that needs to change from time to time.