I will be talking on domestic violence/abuse this evening, as soon as people hear about domestic violence/abuse, what readily comes to mind is the picture of a husband beating his wife or a boyfriend physically assaulting a girlfriend. It is much more than this. Domestic violence/abuse is a very broad topic to write on. I will try as much as possible to share my own understanding on this topic and I hope it will open our eyes of understanding so that we can learn to appreciate ourselves better.
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Domestic violence is any form of behavior/treatment meted out to an individual from another person that violates the rights of such person, this could be in form of physical, emotional or social violence, and I will like to narrow this down to domestic violence/abuse in marriage between a man and a woman.
Abuse in marriage or domestic violence happens around me almost on a daily basis, I live in Nigeria and what some couple do to themselves is unimaginable. I need to put on record that a husband can violently abuse his wife and a wife can also violently abuse the husband, it is in two ways, but for the purpose of this write up I will also narrow it down to abuse from the husband to the wife, not because I am a woman, but because this is often the case and not the other way around.
When a woman decides to marry a man, to me, everything about the woman changes, the most obvious is the change in her name. This alone is a huge sacrifice, in the sense that she will start sleeping with the man, cook his meals and looking after him and this same man will still have the guts to assault this woman. I have seen cases around me, a woman who has given birth to four children for a man will still be maltreated by the man, the man even go to the extent of beating the woman in the presence of the children. I hear of a man in the news recently who even makes love to his wife in the presence of their children as punishment to the woman, what can be more emotionally traumatizing for a woman than this?
Physical
This involves physical hurt to the woman, or a threat to hurt the woman, it also involve using physical force to assault the woman. I have seen a case where the husband used hot iron on the woman’s private part after making love to the woman. Physical assaults or violence starts gradually by a way of push, lap and then deteriorate or becomes intense as times goes on. Many women after marriage becomes so afraid of the man they married, some issues cannot even be discussed because the woman know it will result into an argument which if not controlled can lead into physical conflict and then violence. (e.g. money).
This is the most dangerous type of abuse to me because it cannot be seen, when a woman is physically assaulted, you could see the scars but for emotional abuse, it cannot be seen. It leaves no physical scar, it only reduces the woman’s self-esteem and confidence. Emotional abuse involves name calling, humiliating the woman and isolating her form getting in contact with friends and family.
Get out of that relationship as fast as possible, you can get a close friend’s house to stay until the matter is resolved if possible or you are able to get an accommodation on your own.
No form of abuse can be justified, it is not acceptable, may it be physical, emotional or social. Women should be made to enjoy as much freedom as they can access, don’t stop a woman from visiting.
