If there is anything in this world that I fear the most exclusive of my Creator, an headshot and a screenshot then it is my mind. My mind is clouded; filled with redundant things, normal things, saddening things, exciting things, noble things, pathetic things! The list could go on.
I thought I had control over my mind.
I thought that I could do anything and everything I wanted to with just having faith without doubts.
When I was younger and had troubles,
I’d run to mum and the first thing she always said was
“Flora, Do you have faith?
I’d reply - of course mum I do
Well once you have faith without doubts that your problems will be solved, it’ll definitely be solved and it’s propensity depends on your level of faith”
I’d go back to my room,
drunk in my thoughts trying to control my faith using my mind,
Sadly things never worked out that way
and it became clear to me that I can’t control my mind, my mind controls me.
I can feel it.
The aggressive negative energy I get when I try to use my mind through faith to move mountains is a confirmation that my mind controls me. The funniest part is, it always win.
When I began to really understand ME
I gradually realized that I have two sides,
Blunt and jocund!!
My Blunt side incessantly tells me the perceived truth without sugar-coating it I any way, Jocund is very optimistic but still puts my blunt side in check.
I am fully aware of what is right and what is wrong but doing the wrong thing feels so right and doing the right thing feels so wrong.
The fact that wrong is wrong and right is right is all in my mind, I keep failing in trying to do the right thing cause my mind makes it feel so wrong and vice versa.
I scream and make hills and oceans out of words but sadly they are all in my mind.
I know I am going to explode,
Just one day I’m going to spill
The big question is,
How is the world going to handle this explosion?
My mind is me but still the strangest to me. I can’t seem to decipher its mechanism
It can be dead but give life to another
It can be cold but provide warmth to another
It can be dark but be a source of light to another.
It can be confused but be a source of inspiration to another.