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Waking up in the morning,
Golden sun shone through the rectangular glass window, sound of the old-clock ticking, hung above my head, thousands of thoughts rushed through my head.
Thoughts about love (lost and desired Love), thoughts of promises, problems, trying to test my forecasting power into the future.
My clouded mind filled with thoughts fabricated from roses, thorns and broken glasses is at the point of breaking down.
Insomnia has been my closest friend,
trying to get sleep for me is equated with the probability of an elephant passing through a needle eye.
When I eventually found sleep, not knowing if I’ll ever want up to wake up or rest eternally, in order to avoid worldly troubles and this miserable life of filth and sorrow.
I finally get arrive at a decision to stay strong and wake up to another day only because of what Spiritual Sensei dictates us to live and not force what we want out of life.
I force myself to live through consequent days, episodes of this miserable world like a gruesome soap opera, barely making it to another day worn out and somewhat defeated.
I sleep with trusting that tomorrow might just be my lucky day, that everything would be fine and I might be up in a bed full of roses and in a land filled with milk and honey.
The blunt self would let me know
I’m making a fool of myself
With all the fulfilling thoughts,
in the process, my blunt self mutes my optimistic and jocund self
causing the cycle of this miserable life to continue.
I wake up and tears fall uncontrollably because I can’t understand my self,
I can’t understand the basics of life
I just want to be happy
I want to be love, be loved and feel loved,
But sadly everything I know is artificial and trying to change it will prove costly
I am uncertain of what the next day will bring forth,
So I hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
As the thoughts of starting a new day run through my head, the jitters of having to face this miserable world and the fake in it, the fact I have to act fake to fit in.
I prepare my self to suppress my demons and not give in to temptations when I’m around people.