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tonight my eyes suddenly opened there was no particular reason i just woke up and started looking straight at the ceiling everyone in the house was asleep i turned over then closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep but sleep would not come my mind started to wander and strange thoughts started coming to my mind which never become so clear during the day
i do not know why but at that moment it occurred to me that i had been the same for so long meaning life is going on days are passing but i am not changing everything feels the same the same routine waking up in the morning going out for the day using the mobile a bit then going back to sleep at night i have never felt this much before but today it all felt a bit heavy
then i thought it is not like i never got a chance there have been many moments when i could have done something new every time i stopped myself sometimes i felt like the time was not right sometimes i thought the risk was too high sometimes i just did not feel like stepping out of my comfort zone at that time it all seemed normal i used to think that whatever was going on was fine and there was no need to take unnecessary stress
but tonight when everything was quiet those old memories kept coming back to me it felt like i had slowed my life down maybe if i had taken a little risk things would have been different today this was not a huge regret but there was a slight feeling that something had been missed
during the day it never seems so serious people are busy there are small talks there is the mobile there is work and the mind does not get time to go into such deep thinking but tonight i was just staring at the ceiling and thinking about how many times i held myself back
then another thought came to mind what would have happened if i had accepted a little change maybe something would have gone wrong maybe i would have failed but at least today i would not have felt like i did not even try
time also does not stop whether you do something or not it keeps moving and then one day you suddenly feel like a lot of time has passed
i am not saying everything is wrong life is normal but the problem is that it has just stayed normal nothing new no excitement everything just going smoothly
at that time it felt like maybe it is not too late yet maybe something can still be changed but before that the only thing running in my mind was the cost of avoiding change it is not something you understand immediately but on nights like this you feel it clearly and when you feel it it becomes a little heavy
post time is 12:15am approx.
