I didn’t write this with a beat playing. I freestyled it with my past sitting heavy on my chest. But ''Redemption'' by Drake was the spark. That track hit me differently like it was reading parts of me I had buried. It felt like flipping through the voicemail inbox in my head, replaying the ones I never deleted, the ones I never replied to and the ones I never sent because I will say that I wasn't really sure I should've cos some of them were didn't need a response from me.
This freestyle isn’t about sounding perfect because I'm not, just blessed with talents and making the best out of it and It’s about being honest with myself and that's how I will always be. It’s about the moments I went through all by myself and It’s about the people I let down and the parts of me I’m still learning to forgive because it is not easy to forgive self but thank God I am now with time.
Yeahh….. Lynxsay,
''Figure it that it's you now i wanna run home to,
I figure it that it's you i wanna live with real true,
Ain't nobody else make me feel like you do,
Cos ain't nobody else make me feel good for real.
But look how you doing now I'm tryna understand what you really want,
But you still on changing sides.''
Then so much more came out from my mouth that I just had to let it out from my heart.
I thought about the ones I ghosted.
Not because they weren’t worth it but because I didn’t know how to show up whole.
I didn’t know how to be loved when I was still broken.
So I ran.
From her. From them. From me.
And yet I still want to be remembered well.
Drake said, ''I was an angry yout, when everything was smoother.''
That line alone?
Man… that’s me.
I was mad at the world for not handing me peace
while I was holding onto chaos with both hands.
I’d stare at my reflection and wonder:
Why don’t I recognize this version of me anymore?
I had girls who saw the good in me before I could.
Girls who would’ve stayed if I just gave them a little more.
A little more presence.
A little more truth.
But I gave them poetry instead of partnership.
Late-night messages instead of morning consistency.
And yeah, I regret it.
Not because I lost them but because I didn’t give them the version of me they deserved.
Redemption ain’t just about apologies.
It’s about transformation.
And I’m still transforming.
Every day I woke up and try to unlearn the ways I loved selfishly.
I trying to respond instead of react.
To open up before I shut down.
To let people in instead of locking them out and calling it ''protection.''
And if she ever hears this…
Know I still remember how you laughed
when I wasn’t trying to be funny.
How you believed in my art
before it had a name.
How you saw the mess and still held me down.
I know I didn’t show it enough.
But you mattered.
Still do you always do.
To the ones who left…
I understand now maybe we not might to be around each other.
It took me a while to admit it because I have always been a person who cares about keeping people with me when I should be on my own.
At first, I blamed everyone but myself when what I needed was my space and God's help for myself.
But growth don’t happen in denial.
It happens in the quiet moments and still going on until my purchase is done,
when there’s no one left to blame but your reflection you just have to run to God for everything because He knows me better than I know myself.
I miss some of you.
Not like a romantic wish to rewind but like a lesson I revisit to remind myself of how far I’ve come.
You were part of the journey,
and I honor that now.
And to the ones who stayed…
Thank you.
For seeing the worth in me when I only saw weight.
For holding space for my healing without demanding a deadline.
Drake said, ''I’ve been looking for redemption.''
Same here, OG.
But not from the world.
From myself.
From that inner voice that said I'll never be better than the worst version of me.
I’m learning to forgive him too.
The angry me.
The distant me.
The performative me. And I'm definitely getting there with God's help and intervention i will be there soon.
Redemption isn’t loud.
It’s not in the headlines or the highlights.
It’s in the everyday choice to show up differently.
To choose peace when pain feels more familiar.
To answer the call when your past tries to pull you back.
This freestyle?
It’s not for the charts.
It’s for the late nights when I feel unworthy of love just deep things on my heart I couldn't share.
It’s for the parts of me that wonder if I’ll ever be enough but I truly believe that with Jesus by myself I know that He see me as a enough.
It’s for every ''I’m sorry'' I never said,
and every ''I forgive you'' I’m still learning how to mean.
So if you’re listening…
And you relate…
Know you’re not alone in this journey.
We’re all stumbling toward grace,
toward growth,
toward our own version of redemption.
And maybe I’ll never get it all right.
Maybe I’ll never hear back from the people I hurt.
Maybe some bridges were meant to burn.
But I’ll keep walking.
Keep learning.
Keep loving.
Because I’m not who I am each day passes I'm getting better of myself.
And that’s a start. Now things are are getting better and better and I just want everything to stay that way no more hates and pain just letting God have His way on me till the end. Thank you for watching and reading too. One love 🚀 ❤️
