After running across $11 trillion in credit default swap securities, I gave up.
Wanda, Cisco, Oracle, IBM... things are getting complicated. We're all criminals.
Aren't we?
I'm having trouble caring about things recently.
Maybe that's just growing up. I can't say for sure. We're all mad here.
I'm the same ambitious PoS I've always been...have more projects going on than I can count on both of my hands. Will anything amount to much? Maybe. Who knows? Who cares? But I don't really have hopes to truly make an impact. Not like this, anyway.
Insignificant
That's all we are, really. At least until someone says "Oh hey, something is wrong. Who can we blame?" or better yet "We have a plan. Who should we throw under the bus?"
Everyone seems to want to 'save face.'
"Don't be friends with that kid, he's weird."
"Stay quiet. Don't argue. They know what they're doing." (ha)
"People won't like you if you do that."
I'm hardly an authority. Please ignore me. The chances I'll get kicked out of school in the next year or two are fairly high. I'm not even wanted there, really, but I guess I'm not a very popular person at all among my peers. Why would anyone want me?
In any case... I'm still free to observe. I'm good at that,
and thanks to the constant rejection, I have no real reason to hold back my thoughts, as abrasive as they may seem to some people.
This platform will become my feed of ideas, mostly technical (because getting involved in arguments that attract blind followers of any idea is a waste of time for me...also I am not very fond of death threats, and people are evidently quick to do that).
That's kind of already what it was, but I was holding back a lot of ideas and making it more accessible to a general audience. I now see no value in holding back any aspect of my life. People will hate you no matter what you do, and I don't have the energy to keep trying.
For two completely separate parts of life:
To Viss, Ofir, Zoz, and EB: You likely don't care about me, but I appreciate all four of you more than you realize. You know what you've done for me, and if you don't, ask me when you see me.
To Blaer, Schulzrinne, DWK, and Bellovin: You're the reason I haven't given up on school. This is probably good, although only time will tell, really. Thanks for handing me random forensics jobs in the middle of summer, reporting things on my behalf, and letting me do research I had no business doing. Sorry I smoke though. Life is life, and I'd rather die sooner than later (probably).
We're all mad here.
Note: This is essentially the end of my youth angst, I hope. The person I am now is very likely close to what I will end up being the rest of my life; and based on involuntary feedback, I think life is going to be pretty f*cking terrible. But that's fine.
I have things to do, and dealing with people's opinions of myself and my actions is definitely not one of them. If you have a complaint about something that impacts you directly, let me know, and we can arrange a discussion. Otherwise, convince me to care.
