As I reflect tonight on the heaviest burden I have carried, I realize it is my father's death. Even though it has been more than six years, I still feel as though I have unshed tears. His death came at a time in my life when I needed him the most, and although I have been putting on a strong front, deep down, I still feel weak and long to shed those tears.
Let me share a little about my dad, and I’ll try to keep it brief so I don’t end up shedding tears while writing this. My dad was the perfect gentleman, teaching me that “gentleness is strength under control.” He was feared by us, his children, yet we loved having him around. I cannot remember ever seeing him fight outside the home; he knew when to express anger and when not to, and he profoundly hated being cheated.
One of the few things he taught me was our monthly tradition: spending part of one’s salary on oneself before starting a new month. Once he received his salary, he would take me out, his first son, to eat pepper soup with beer and malt (he had one bottle of beer, while I had malt). Initially, I didn’t understand the significance of this tradition until after he passed away. While he was alive, I did receive a salary (no tradition), but with him gone, I understood the message: carrying heavy responsibilities can lead us to forget to take care of ourselves. This is why, after each salary, it is essential to treat yourself well.
After his passing, this lesson became something I carry with me into every new year. As time passes, I have developed a strong heart, making it difficult for others to know when their actions hurt me. I have realized that every single moment of my life is valuable. If you find yourself in a situation where you don’t feel valued, please gently leave, as your peace of mind is important. I remind myself that no matter how much you love someone or something, they will eventually leave, as nothing lasts forever in life, and the only thing we have to hold onto are the memories and moments we shared. This realization has led me to be straightforward in relationships; if it works out, great, if not, that’s okay too.
While this mindset has its advantages, it also has disadvantages. It takes a long time to let go of hurt or pain, which delays healing. Instead of allowing anyone to hurt you, just walk away.
In this new year, I have decided to focus on those who are genuinely there for me. You might ask how I will know who those people are, but trust me, time will reveal them. I am letting go of transactional people - those who are only there for what they stand to gain.
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