Kindness to oneself

The sentence “Kindness to oneself” seems incomplete, as I had always attributed kindness to something or an act you do or show to others. Immediately, I saw this prompt, I began by asking myself the last time I was kind to myself, and the answer is, it’s been too long. I had to tell myself that this has to change, and I need to also put myself first.

When did it all begin?

I was trying to think back to the last time I was kind to myself and why. I guess the last time I was kind to myself was last year. As long as I can remember, I had always been programmed to put others before myself, and I could say part of the responsibility was the fact that I am the firstborn. You might wonder and ask what being the firstborn child and being kind to oneself have to do with kindness, and I could say almost everything, but let me try to break it down gradually.

Firstly, being a firstborn child automatically means you have people looking up to you, and you can’t afford to make any mistakes, or else their mistake automatically becomes your fault. I had to shoulder that responsibility at an early age, especially when the pressure is coming directly and indirectly from even your parents, as they also have high expectations. I could remember those times when I could come back from school and would get to sacrifice my afternoon meal for my younger siblings, but trust me, it was not convenient; however, a man has to do what a man has to do.

At such an early stage, there was no one to cry, so that literally when my journey began as a Man. I had to be tough on myself, and I kept promising myself that once things are okay with them, only then can I relax. Little did I know that you can only take a horse to the river, but cannot force the horse to drink from it, and why am I saying this, hmmm, well that’s because I was totally disappointed with my siblings (they have all fall my hands).

Well, I might not be able to say what they did individually, as this would reopen a deep wound I am trying daily to heal. But what I can say is that they have taken a different life path, and despite my being there as an example they could emulate, they chose a different direction. What am I saying all this? Well, that because I realized that I was too harsh and tough on myself because I had always wanted what’s best for them, even at my own expense.

Like, can you just imagine what it would feel like if you were disappointed 3 times by your siblings? And don't get me wrong, I know every family has their own drama and black sheep. After being disappointed, I had decided to put myself first and do the little I can do for them, and if they ask for my assistance, I would render it if I could.

So my first step in being kind to myself was by first telling myself not to overexpect from people as their validation is not all that matters, mine do too. So once in a while, I appreciate myself and tell myself welldone (self-appreciation) as this goes a long way. Also, I decided to let go of things and not hang on too long as there is nothing in this life. Be happy when I can even with the little wins, and regularly take care of myself.