It hurts watching it all fall apart.

Being betrayed is a terrible thing, and I do not even wish it for my enemies. It’s not an instantaneous action, and I believe it starts with little changes like lying, keeping secrets, and so on. The foundation of many relationships is not just about love or feelings, but to me, I believe it's all about trust, which leads to peace of mind. Without trust, many of these relationships would not survive.

Let’s talk a little bit about marriage, and do not hesitate to correct me in the comment section if I am wrong in anyway because I have yet to be married. Marriage to me begins with an attraction, followed by an engagement or interaction, and then the conclusion. The conclusion part could mean different things to different people, such as trust, understanding, availability, peace of mind, and so on.

Attraction

Before you could think of getting married, you need to be attracted to your partner, and this could also mean different things, such as beauty, smile, character, intelligence, finances, social status, and so on. Whatever the choice of attraction, it sparks the beginning of a potential relationship, and once we decide to act on this attraction, this leads to the second stage.

Engagement or Interaction

At this stage, alot of unanswered questions, thoughts, and so on are realized, asked, and known. It’s at this stage that you would get to know if it’s actually an infatuation or not. You would also have to determine if you want to advance to the next stage or not. This stage is very serious as alot of people fail at this stage as they tend to forget that people change and they did not factor this in. At this stage, you know the basic framework of the people you want to be with, and you decide to be with that person, maybe due to one or two preferences. However, did you ever ask yourself, what if this person changed, would I still feel the same way? And this is why I feel this stage is the most crucial.

Conclusion

At this final state, both parties should be on the same page and should have an aligned goal that they are both working towards. After knowing the most basic framework of your partner, you could now think about getting married, and I specifically mentioned “ the most basic framework of your partner” as you can’t know it all. During this stage, trust, love, understanding, compatibility, and so on have been built together, but it takes just one mistake to make all these years of building crumble the relationships.

Apologies for going through the process of explaining my own definition of how marriage should be, as this is just me explaining that it is very difficult to build something worth it and very, very easy to destroy it with just one action. I have heard about couples seeking revenge after finding out a partner had cheated, and I know one of them who resorted to cheating, and when I asked why, I would get replies like since he can cheat, so can I. Oftentimes, this had made me even more skeptical about marrying.

Regarding checking your partner's phone, this will always continue to cause issues in many relationships. Why is this causing alot of issues? well I believed this is one of the issues that should have been addressed during the engagement or interaction stage. You should have gotten to know the person your partner is at that stage, such as whether one partner is someone who easily falls for what he/she hears or sees, or if he/she is addicted to phone or online presence and loves to compare. If all these things were not known, don’t check your partner’s phone, and the reason is that you would always see something unpleasant, or might even see a different version of your partner. People nowadays live a double and different life; their physical life and Online life are totally different.

For me, if I had checked my partner’s phone, and I saw things I don’t like. I am a very calculative person, and I always give room for doubt, and I would allow her to defend and explain herself. But take note that I could forgive but not forget, and I would be on the lookout for repetitive patterns because, before every betrayal, you should have seen a subtle sign.

So what I tell my partner regarding going through phone is, I won’t go through your phone, so don't do anything that you know would hurt me, and I won’t do the same. I need peace of mind, so I don’t even bother to go through a woman’s phone to avoid sleepless nights because, irrespective of the trust, you might still see something unpleasant, so what's next is a change of mood. Who would betray you would still do the same, and that’s why I pray for someone who would put me first as I put her first.