# When your life isn't your own
It seems that for much of the past 25 years there has been very little "me" time. When I became married my viewpoint went from "me" to "we". After I said "I do" in the church I found myself saying "I will" to a lot of things I didn't like doing. Laundry, dishes, cleaning and mopping, running errands and much more. I'm sure my wife felt the same way, but we were a team so everything for the good of the team, right? Then we had one son, a couple of years later I had a second son. That is when "we" turned into "us" and my life was about being both a husband AND a father. I got stretched even more thin. A father is always on duty. I'm watching a show and a son needs me...show gets turned off. I want to do something and my wife or kids need me and whatever activity I wanted to do gets dropped. I became chauffeur, cook, cleaner, emotional support person, errand boy and more. Then we got a dog and now I become a dog walker, poop picker upper, canine manicurist, and doggie nutritionist. Then we had homestay students and I felt like I was going to break. Too long of taking care of everyone but myself. I'm actually a very solitary person and having a house with 7 people in it is draining. I really need structure to take care of myself and when I'm going every which way I struggle horribly. That's when I knew I had enough. I knew I needed some time to myself to get my weight under control, my spirit centered, and my mind time to recharge. End result: I'm living like a monk in Surabaya, Indonesia. ... and I don't regret it at all. I still chat with my wife every day and my children when they want to talk. However, my life is my own. I can sleep when I want, exercise when I want, read my bible when I want, and eat a beautiful breakfast every morning that I don't need to prepare or clean up after. Also if I want to watch anime, a movie, or just play Civilization for 5 hours straight.. My time is mine to command. If I want to go out to the mall for fast food at dinner there is no-one here to cajole me into not doing it. It is very freeing to choose what I want to do and when I want to do it. However it also comes with a burden.

# Life is what I make it
### Food Look at this beautiful pastry display at the buffet. ![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/terganftp/23wWvp5NoU6w2B9ckRJXS5w1nez324qBwsXHCRauY69L88cqY67LBREFd3T5H94GFkYrx.png) Every one of those pastries is yummy. I can have an unlimited supply. Unfortunately, if I eat too many I know I'm going to get even fatter and my body will become increasingly less capable. What did I eat instead? ![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/terganftp/23u64xPYe2g9eUiWT4aQaS3XDBkLmtK61ZxHYfUKn68h8JZd22qv5bpXDsMSCt7bgfjpw.png) A smallish portion of rice, salad and beef. A meal with protein and carbohydrate but not nearly as many calories as the pastries. Plus it has way more nutrition and I can lose weight with it. I had other items as well, but typically high protein and low calorie. ### Free time. Now I could sit behind this wonderful desk all day and watch anime, listen to music, and play video games. Lots of fun but again, guess what happens to my body over time? It's not pretty. Instead? ![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/terganftp/EpT2oDG5iJC9CNbTAv9VwsiTUnbCPiAquMhvEorVyj3q7KG22oRELbHcqfaiPHKbVSg.png) I can go for a swim in the pool and get some exercise there. ![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/terganftp/23z79gFzDJQbh3A8fJbPWCgErdBXMcee85n5RWC3iteYT79XeTvzXKDT8S3xEn6ZQ24R6.png) I can go to the treadmill and workout my heart. ![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/terganftp/23wC5cFELRGXGiosQ47nshKd46L2Ztjbew4zs6DZJWChQ5Em7hAEJ31WATER4RjGnWtDS.png) I can head to the gym and strengthen my body. Or I can just stay in my room, pray, read my bible and strengthen my spirit. Or maybe just get on the computer and get my mind working to write articles on Hive. If I feel like social interaction? There are awesome people in the hotel. This one happens to be the Food and Beverage manager in a hotel I was at. ![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/terganftp/23vsNJnK6kEemcSPpFEYYaQMzaA2qx4rPpxNcnzc7g6FHWxRBzRjeQs86rWwNdGhKZqet.png)

# It's actually about more than just me
In the end, being selfish is actually about more than just me. At face value it is an escape from my regular life. An escape from my children and my wife. An escape from my job, my responsibilities in the house, and my everyday routine. An escape from my work and the daily grind. ### But there actually is a purpose. Being in Indonesia with zero distractions and healthy options 1 minute away does NOT let me escape responsibility. It just makes being intentional about my health and well being a lot easier. So far I feel stronger from the weight training. I feel more energetic from the cardio. I have lost almost 6kg from simply having to make decisions on what to eat rather than figuring out what to cook. I've read some of my bible and I've enjoyed writing Hive articles. ### Absolutely this has been very valuable **ME** time. * Being here makes me realize how much I enjoy being in Canada * Being here makes me realize how much I miss my home and family * Being here makes me realize how much I miss church and community * Being here has freed me from many distractions so I can maintain my health and vitality. Which is exactly what I hoped it would do. Some selfish time for me means that I'll be stronger and more appreciative when I go home. That was the whole point of me coming here. Some time away so I can better appreciate the time together. A selfish act on my part is actually an act to make me better for my family. Sure, I may be living like a monk and recluse. I really enjoy that but my time as a husband and father reminds me I like that too. In the end sometimes being a little selfish isn't necessarily a bad thing. Or at least that is how I'm justifying this. If you think I'm wrong or care to agree I love comments. If you don't want to comment? I am just glad you took the moment to read this far Thank you.

Me