The trick is to do it without appearing to do it. You want to fold them in smoothly so that no one is aware of what you're doing, and no shame is brought upon them. Making people feel included is a good thing. Once, me and my family were chatting at the dinner table. My siblings had been going on for some time about instances they shared among themselves, when I saw that my mother had fallen silent. The reason was that she had no hook in that conversation, thus couldn't add anything. When she was distracted for a moment, I handed my sister a note asking her to talk about subjects that mom could join in on, and that's what she did. Seeing mother smile once again, made everyone happy.
The reason I bring things like that up, is that more times than I care to admit, I'm usually the only one that sees these things. As a child, I thought everyone had that awareness, but over time, realized people like that are like salt on a steak. There's not many of them, but the spice they bring, makes life much more flavorful.
My deal is that unless you believe in The Rapture, we're all going to die one day, and what have you left behind? I like to jokingly ask myself that if I got run over by a cement mixer, have I made a difference in the lives of others that I can be proud of? Being able to answer that in the affirmative, is a great way of knowing that you're "paying the rent" for taking up space on this big, beautiful, world.
Not that death is the end of it all, far from it. After years of reading accounts from doctors and nurses in hospitals, I believe our existence continues after we die. Too many people all over the world, have described similar events that have happened to them during what is called a near-death experience. Medical professionals have described patients flatlining, then coming back and relating conversations they witnessed in other parts of the hospital that they could not have possibly known about.
I have an aunt and an uncle that are nurses who shared the same type of accounts with me, while witnessing the "final" moments of people in their care. Many won't believe these things, and that's OK. Even Jesus said that if a person came back from the dead, we would no believe. I recall reading about the final words of comedian Sam Kinison, where he was overheard agreeing with someone that bystanders couldn't see right before he passed. Or the last words of Apple CEO Steve Jobs, where he saw something wonderful, as he looked behind and above his adoring family, before he breathed his last.
It's never made any sense tome that you live and you die and that's it. Years ago, I read a book called Life After Life, which explored these very issues. There were account after account of people going through exactly what my relatives had told me. Everything began to come together. I believe in a higher power, I believe in an afterlife. Otherwise, it's all just a waste. All the learning, knowledge and experiences we've gained is all for naught if we just blink out like a light bulb. My logical mind tells me that after we're done here: THERE'S MORE.
In junior high school I joined the wrestling team. Somehow, with almost no equipment and no one to tutor me, I made it to the finals. I faced a kid who was obviously stronger and more experienced than me. Best two out of three won the trophy. Everybody was there, and when the grappling began, I knew I was in trouble, this guy was strong as an ox, and easily countered my best moves. He won the first one, and while never giving up, it was obvious my work was cut out for me.
Next thing you know, he started making "mistakes" in the second match. For a moment our eyes met and I knew what he was doing. He was letting me win one because it would be good for the crowd, and as he later said, he knew my family was there, and didn't want to totally humiliate me. He picked up the third and earned a well-deserved trophy.
After the event we talked, and he explained that someone had once badly beaten him on the mat in front of his own family when he was first starting out. He never forgot that feeling, and didn't want the same for me. I thanked him profusely for not embarrassing me in front of my family. I'll never forget that decent young man and the lesson he taught me that day. It's something that I try to carry on in my life as well.
Another thing I believe, is that you have to know when enough is enough. Once you've defeated an enemy, allow him a dignified way to exit the scene. I've run into too many people who, once they've gotten their revenge, have to keep on turning the screw. They can't let it go. I'm like: "you won! Why are you still rubbing his nose in it?" Too often we fail to remember the lessons of history, such as when Germany was humiliated after WWI with the Treaty of Versailles, resulting in the rise of Adolf Hitler, decades later. Remember when Saddam Hussein was captured, then the U.S. military photographed him in his underwear, and those photos appeared on front pages all over the world? Then the Shiites hung him while he was in the middle of praying, all the while gleefully filming it on their cellphones to be uploaded to social media.
This unwise degradation of a man would come back to haunt them in the uprising of the Sunnis of Iraq. How many thousands of people died in the fallout of those acts? Other pictures of American troops humiliating naked Iraqi prisoners at the notorious Abu Ghraib prison, also helped fuel the insurgency. At war collages here in the United States, they teach these lessons of history, and the importance of not humiliating your opponent.
It's one of the reasons why during the first gulf war, the President refused to march on Baghdad. Having experienced war, he knew what the outcome would be, and that by degrading and removing someone bad, it would only make way for something far worse, which is what eventually happened. When you defeat your opponent, take the win while allowing them to walk away with some shred of dignity. You'll be glad you did.
All of this makes it even more important to make a positive mark while we're here. Being self-centered is a very lonely place to be. Lighten loads wherever you can. All of that comes back to you in ways you can only imagine.
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