Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

 Hello everyone! I am so happy to be here! I left my job abruptly a few months ago and I am working from home now.  My husband suggested I take a look at the Steemit community and use it as a forum for myself.  I did and I love it so I am taking the plunge!!

All my life I have always felt different.  I was an only child and spent a lot of time alone. As I got older I started having issues conforming to what society expected from me. The older I got the more things were expected. Go to school, go to work, get up and get dressed, get out of bed..who can do that every single day!?! Apparently a lot people can I just wasn't one of them.

After several years of impulsive, careless, and sometimes dangerous decisions, several therapists and medications later  I finally found a loving and knowledgeable psychiatrist  and he diagnosed me with Borderline personality disorder (BPD). I didn't know much about it so he suggested I go home and look it up. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental disorder with patterns that include ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning.  Symptoms can include:

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment 
• A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
• Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, can display uncertainty about who they are. Their interests and values can change rapidly. 
• Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
• Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
• Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
• Having stress-related paranoid thoughts
• Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality
• Some people with BPD also have high rates of other forms of mental disorders, such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders, along with substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal thinking and behaviors, and suicide. 

Ordinary events may trigger symptoms. People with this disorder may see anger in an emotionally neutral face and have a stronger reaction to words with negative meanings than people who do not have the disorder. People with BPD may crave closeness, but their intense and unstable emotional responses tend to alienate others, causing long-term feelings of isolation.

OMG!!!This was definitely me! My emotions were always a roller coaster  of intensity. I haven't lasted more than a couple of years at a job. I always create these scenarios in my head of what people are saying or thinking about me. I don't have any friends..it's complicated. Sometimes I created crazy scenarios in my head that cause fights about why my husband was so quite last night...was he thinking that I was lazy for not having a new job yet, was he thinking about my sullen attitude and how fed up he was with everything, I mean the possibilities were endless in my warped brain. And about once a month I would contemplate the purpose of my life and the reason for my existence. My emptiness was so deep there wasn't enough of anything in the world that would satisfy it. 

After finally accepting the diagnosis I set forth to live as I had always wanted...I wanted to be HAPPY.  

Medications have been a big part but it can't take all the credit.  I have several medications prescribed to me for my anxiety, my depression, my insomnia. I also use cannabis which helps but I also do other things that help me manage my triggers and symptoms. For example I have to keep my self on a daily schedule. Even though I work from home now I have to get up at the same time go to sleep at the same time. If not it will trigger me. I have to go outside a least once every couple of days if not it can trigger me.  I also try to practice mindful mediation, exercise even if it's just walking or hiking.  Staying positive and surrounding myself with the people that give me good positive feelings is also a must for me.

Experts suggest that if you think you may have BPD please talk to your doctor about treatment options and stick with treatment! Also try some of the things below. 

• Try to maintain a stable schedule of meals and sleep times.
• Engage in mild activity or exercise to help reduce stress.
• Set realistic goals for yourself.
• Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can, as you can.
• Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or family member.
• Tell others about events or situations that may trigger symptoms.
• Expect your symptoms to improve gradually over time, not immediately. Be patient.
• Identify and seek out comforting situations, places, and people.
• Continue to educate yourself about this disorder.

I am not ashamed of my diagnosis. I am actually relieved that I finally can identify the reason why I am different and find ways to live a better and happier life. I am in a good place TODAY but I have faith that tomorrow will be better than today. Everyday is a journey I'm happy to take......  

#happy 

#inspiration

#positive thinking