Letting go is one of the hardest things anyone can ever do, especially when it has to do with family, it is easy to talk about cutting off friends or acquaintances who hold us back but what happens when the people we have to let go of are those we share blood with? It’s a different kind of pain one that digs deep into the heart and leaves you questioning your own decisions.
I used to believe that family always had my best interests at heart, i thought they would always understand my choices and support my dreams. But as I grew older I started to see that love can be misunderstood and sometimes care can feel like control, there were times when I shared my plans with them, and instead of encouragement I got fear, doubt, and endless questions, It wasn’t because they hated me, it was because they couldn’t see life from my point of view.
There is a particular person in my family that I had to let go of our relationship, we were closed and when I finished school and had ideas of starting a business she started to discourage me, I tried to make her see my point of view, all I wanted from her was to support my dreams, to believe in me the way I believed in myself but every time I spoke about what I wanted to do with my life, she's always there to remind me why it wouldn’t work, she said things like “Why don’t you just do what others are doing?” she never meant to hurt me, but her words did, It made me feel small, like my ideas didn’t matter.
At first, I thought I could handle it, I told myself she only wanted the best for me, and maybe I was being too sensitive but after some time, I realized her constant doubts were affecting how I saw myself, I began to lose confidence, I started having second thought in everything I did, I was scared of disappointing my family, so I played safe and stayed in places that didn’t make me happy.
One day, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was no longer living my own life, I was living the life people wanted for me, I smiled when I didn’t want to, agreed when I should have spoken up, and followed paths that never felt right in my heart just because my older sister was not always in support of my ideas and that was the day I knew I had to stop.
Letting go didn’t happen overnight, I didn’t pack my bags or cut her off, I just started to keep some things to myself, I stopped explaining my plans to her and to others who didn’t believe in my dreams, I stopped trying to make her understand my choices, I began to create a little distance not because I hated her but because I needed room to breathe.
It was lonely at first because I was staying in her house but I had to move out just to start my own life, there were days I cried quietly, missing the closeness we once shared, I missed being able to talk to her freely without feeling judged but deep inside I also felt relief for the first time, I was doing what made sense to me, I started making decisions without waiting for approval, I learned that peace sometimes comes after painful separation.
Letting go of family doesn’t mean you stop loving them, it means you choose yourself too, It means you want peace more than approval, It means you understand that sometimes, to find yourself, you have to step away from the people who keep reminding you who you used to be.
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This is my response to this episode of Hivelearners community prompt of #hl-w186e01 which the topic is tagged LETTING GO